


Not Special

by No_Bark



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Asperger Syndrome, Autism Spectrum, Disability, Fluff, Intellectual Disability, Light Angst, M/M, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-02-29 12:48:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 28,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18778612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/No_Bark/pseuds/No_Bark
Summary: Junmyeon has twice the IQ Sehun has. Somehow their mothers think that they'll get along, since they're both "special" and have no friends.





	1. Fifteen.

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be a fairly short fanfic with around 3 chapters and each of them around 10K words.
> 
> Junmyeon has been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, but he thinks it's bullshit. Take it as you like. Sehun is intellectually disabled with an IQ of 60-65. They're also smol teens so there's going to be a pure overload of fluff and no smut.
> 
> DISCLAIMER! I have not been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome nor intellectual disability, so I could never really realistically portrait how either of these neurological differences would feel. I have, however, been very close with developmentally and intellectually disabled people in my life and I can tell you that they can be frustrating and they can be wonderful, but most of all they are people just like us, and they are people who deserve to be treated with respect. Remember that not everyone is the same even if their diagnosis is. And yes, I have done my research on the subject. I hope that it is enough to make them feel realistic as characters.

"You and Sehun are going to be great friends,"Hyunmi exclaims. She is driving the car, yet her attention seems to be more focused on talking than looking at the road. Every now and then she looks next to her to see her younger son, Junmyeon, staring at the road with wide eyes, blankly. "He will be 15 this month. You’re older than him, so you have to be nice to him.”

"Just because me and this Sehun person are both  _ different _ doesn’t mean we are going to get along. Mother, I have met autistic people, and they were terrible company. Which just furthermore proves my point that I am not, in fact, autistic,"Junmyeon tries to tell Hyunmi the same thing he’s told her many times before. The doctor was clearly an idiot and he is not autistic. He may have some characteristics that fit, but some things just don’t add up. One thing being that Junmyeon isn’t absolute with routines. He doesn’t want them to change, but it doesn’t prove much difficulty for him to change them. It isn’t hard for him to look at people in the eye and he doesn’t feel uncomfortable when people touch him... unless they are strangers, but it’s, quote, "normal"to not want strangers to touch you. Junmyeon’s interests are pretty constricted and social cues confuse him, but it doesn’t make him much different from other people in his opinion. 

"Sehun isn’t autistic. He’s... different in other ways. You like to study people, don’t you? Let’s see if you can figure out what his diagnosis is,"Hyunmi says while staring at the road with a smile. It’s raining and it’s spring. Junmyeon hates it when the water rains on him. The raindrops feel uncomfortable, like they were attacking him. But it’s nice to sit inside when it rains.

"You want me and him to be friends because Sejin and Junseok are, and now you and Jangmi are, too. You just want all of us to be friends together. This isn’t about me at all, so I don’t understand why you wanted me along.”

"Come on, it’ll be fun! Besides, getting out of our house is fun sometimes,"Hyunmi says. Junmyeon sighs and shakes his head, puts his glasses better and stares at the raindrops hitting the window of the door. To be honest, he usually wouldn’t like to get out of their detached house. Today is no exception. He doesn’t want to meet this Sehun, he doesn’t want to be friends with him. He has never had friends and most of the time he hasn’t felt the need to have them. The crippling loneliness from time to time is what really drives him to the comfort of his family. 

And after a moment with his family, he goes back to his room. Alone. 

When they arrive at the Oh household, Junmyeon immediately notices how small the detached house is. The house looks like a two-storage cube, much different from their mansion. Kim Hyunmi and Kim Jaehwa are both very well off, the mother being a professor and teaching biology at the local university and the father being a rocket scientist. But, having a detached house in Seoul, no matter how small, means that they’re pretty well off themselves. 

When they enter the house, Mrs. Oh is immediately there to hug Hyunmi. Junmyeon is already taking his notebook in his hands to read the notes he wrote about Oh Jangmi, based on the description his mother gave him. She seems to be kind, hard-working, short, single, accountant, 43 years old and very protective of her younger son. She greets Junmyeon as well, bows to him, but he doesn’t even look at her. His mind is focused on the notes.

"Sorry. I told you about Junmyeon and my husband, didn’t I? They’re both pretty bad at social situations,"Hyunmi apologizes, but Jangmi smiles at her. Junmyeon doesn’t understand why she is apologizing. 

"Define  _ bad in social situations _ , Mother,"Junmyeon says and continues when turning to look at Jangmi in the eye. "I express myself very coherently, although people have a tendency to not fancy me, which I believe is what she means by  _ bad in social situations _ .”

"Well, I like you already, Junmyeon,"Jangmi smiles. "I heard you’re very good at school. Your mother told me you’re fifteen, but you’re already on 11th class.”

"Actually, it is impossible that you already like me, since you have only heard me say two sentences. You like me based on the things that my mother has told you and what your first impression of me is, which is not the same things as liking me as a person, but more as an object,"Junmyeon explains to Jangmi who just keeps on smiling. "Most school subjects just happen to be too easy for me, which is why I got into high school a year earlier than my peers.”

Junmyeon writes down: smiles too much.

"Well, shall I offer you two something to eat? Tea? Coffee? Would you like some pastries?"the fussy mother asks as she walks the two of them into the kitchen where a young black-haired boy is sitting and staring at the tablecloth, tracing his finger along the kanjis that are printed on it. The table is filled with all kinds of baked goods and tea and coffee are already done. 

"Oh my! You’re going to make me fat!"Hyunmi laughs and Jangmi joins in on it, blushing a little as she looks at how much she’s done. Junmyeon figures that there is enough food to feed his whole family for a day.

"Hyunmi, Junmyeon, this is my son, Sehun,"Jangmi says and as soon as the boy hears his name, he raises his head and smiles gently, looking up at the visitors. His eyes look big and he seems shy. "Sehun, these are Kim Hyunmi and Kim Junmyeon. Hyunmi is Junseok’s mother and Junmyeon is Junseok’s little brother.”

The woman speaks slowly. Junmyeon pays attention to this. It’s nice, actually, cause people often tell him that he speaks slow and sometimes he has a hard time to catch any word edgewise. 

But when he looks at Sehun, he understands why. People have often told Junmyeon that he has a blank look in his eyes, like his eyes were voids that had nothing in them. When looking at Sehun’s eyes, Junmyeon just knows that there is absolutely nothing going on behind those big brown puppy eyes. The thought of his mother thinking that he would make great friends with someone who even has such a dumb look on his face... it makes Junmyeon shudder. 

"Say hi to them,"Jangmi encourages her son, but Sehun lowers his head and just stares at them. The woman smiles a little and pats Sehun’s head, turning back to the guests now. "Sorry. He’s a little shy.”

"I wish Junmyeon was, too,"Hyunmi says. Junmyeon sends a look in her way. 

Sehun flees the table. His t-shirt that is too big for him flutters as he runs by. The shirt is red and has a Pokemon print on it, it’s probably one of his brother’s old shirts that he’s grown out of. Junmyeon stares at the boy running away. He digs out his notebook, sits down at the table and writes down a few lines as the mothers start talking and eating, their speaking just a background noise to the teenager.

_ Oh Sehun _

_ Age: 14 (15 in April) _

_ Height: about 160cm  _

_ Physical features: skinny, cute _

_ Mental features: shy (lower than normal IQ?) _

There is not lot to write yet, but Junmyeon will add some once he knows Sehun better. If he will ever know Sehun any better. 

"Sehun has been doing so well in his studies lately, the teachers are thinking of giving him some harder tasks... except for math. He just can’t understand math no matter how hard he tries. They’re even thinking of putting him in the regular class,"Jangmi says proudly. Junmyeon doesn’t understand why she’s so proud. He’s won dozens of prices and his mother just replies with something like "I knew you would win,"which is like stating the obvious, because Junmyeon knew he would win, too. 

"Junmyeon loves math! Maybe he could teach it to Sehun?"Hyunmi suggests and Junmyeon already feels like the end has come for him. Sometimes he has to explain math problems to his classmates, but that’s just because they want his answers, not actually learn. 

"No, he couldn’t and he wouldn’t,"Junmyeon protests after thinking about the possible outcome. He wants back home, coming here was hard enough as it is. 

"Come on, Junmyeon,"Hyunmi whines, "Sehun could really use some help. You’re so good at math. Besides, how can you know you’re not good at teaching if you’ve never tried?”

"Because, Mother, I don’t like trying new things. You’re already pushing it with dragging me here.”

"Well, I’m going to drag you into Sehun’s room if you don’t go there by yourself,"Hyunmi threatens. Junmyeon stands up and takes a good look around the kitchen. Without saying a word, he starts to open the cabinet doors and look inside. Hyunmi walks over to him and grabs his hand. "Junmyeon, stop that, you can’t just go into people’s houses and go through their stuff! That’s really impolite.”

"How am I supposed to be comfortable enough to try new things and teach Sehun if I’m not even aware of my surroundings?"Junmyeon asks with slight irritation in his voice. Hyunmi is about to scold him again when Jangmi speaks up.

"It’s okay, Hyunmi, really. Junmyeon is free to go anywhere in the house he wants. If that makes him comfortable, then it’s okay, I understand,"she says. The other mother throws an apologetic look at her way as she lets go of her son’s hand.

"As long as you don’t make a mess,"Hyunmi reminds and Junmyeon starts opening more doors, walking through rooms and seeing where everything is. The house looks cozy. There’s only a kitchen, living room, dining room, utility room and a toilet. 

When Junmyeon goes upstairs, he sees four white doors. Three of them must be bedrooms and one shower. He tries the knobs one at a time. The shower looks small and uncomfortable. Junmyeon is glad that they have a big shower and a sauna. 

Then he goes into the next room. It has a big queen-sized bed. It must be Jangmi’s room. Junmyeon would like to jump on the bed and test it, but he’s not very keen on laying in other people’s beds. Who knows what kind of bed bugs they might have. Junmyeon remembers reading that dust mites thrive in the bed if it’s made, which is why he never makes his bed, unless his mother has guests over and they just have to see what Junmyeon is doing. But then he always has to change sheets before making the bed.

Junmyeon doesn’t know if Jangmi makes her bed often, but doesn’t want to risk it. It’s not worth it. Now the room is clean but was it yesterday? Is it usually? 

He makes his way into the next room. It’s Sehun’s room. He has his own TV and a Playstation in there. His bed has four stuffed animals on it. That bed is also made. Sehun is laying on his stomach on it and playing with his phone, swinging his legs in the air. He has a bookshelf that contains mostly picture books, DVDs and video games for his console. He doesn’t seem to have his own laptop or a desktop computer, which highly amuses Junmyeon. But then again he has his own Playstation and a TV in his room. Junmyeon doesn’t. He doesn’t want them there. He doesn’t play often, and when he does, he plays the same two roleplaying games that he’s gone over many times. 

Sehun doesn’t seem to pay any attention to him coming into the room. So he takes his time to take in his surroundings. The window curtains are Zootopia, just like his sheets. He has posters of Sonic and Mario characters as well as superheroes on his walls. There’s a night lamp on his desk. It has flower pattern. 

After about ten minutes of just standing there and figuring everything out, Junmyeon speaks up, startling Sehun who didn’t seem to notice him before.

"Our mothers believe that I should teach you math, since you are not good at it and I exceed,"Junmyeon proposes and takes a few steps forward. He sits down at Sehun’s desk and starts going through his stuff like these were his own. His hand movements are slow, much like Sehun’s brain functioning. 

"My name is Sehun,"the younger boy says as he sits up and looks at Junmyeon shyly. He talks slow. "It’s nice to meet you.”

"Your mother already introduced you to me, there is no need for introductions. I wish my mother had told me more about you before forcing me into your home,"Junmyeon says as he keeps going through Sehun’s stuff. Sehun doesn’t seem to mind. 

"Yeah, but I wanted to introduce myself on my own.”

"Why? There was no need to.”

"Because Mommy always does it for me."This makes Junmyeon pensive. He turns to look at the other boy and looks at him from head to toes as Sehun keeps staring back at him, blinking slowly. 

"Well, that’s dumb. You should tell your mother that you are perfectly capable of talking on your own."

"I’m shy around new people."Sehun crosses his fingers and pushes his hands between his knees, seemingly incapable of keeping still. Junmyeon also cannot stay still, it makes him anxious.

"I’m just uncomfortable around new people. And new places. And new things in general. It takes a while for me to get used to them, but overall I like to expand my worldview, and I like it when I have more places that I can go to, in case one of them becomes unattainable."

Junmyeon stares at Sehun deeply. He could practically hear his brain trying to process everything he just said. Sehun’s expression turns into frustration of sort. And it turns to it slowly. He tilts his head and he keeps opening his mouth and then closing it again. Junmyeon patiently waits for him to reply.

"What was your name...?"Of course, Junmyeon should have guessed it. 

"Junmyeon. Jun. Myeon.”

"Jun. Myeon. Junmyeon..."Sehun repeats it, trying to get a feel of it. Junmyeon turns back into the books and piles them neatly. He takes the math book that he noticed before and successfully finds his homework - they’re not very hidden. 

When he looks at the last few math problems, he almost has a heart attack. Firstly because they are so wrong. Secondly because Sehun’s handwriting is so aesthetically pleasing. Junmyeon himself always scrawls something so illegible that nobody but him understand what it says. 

He erases all the homework Sehun has tried to do before and decides to do them for him. Then he goes back to the last one Sehun was trying to do and turns to the younger one, thinking for a couple of minutes what to do next.

"These are basic equations. X minus 5 equals 2X plus 3. Do you know what you have to do first?"Junmyeon questions. He speaks slow, so Sehun catches up what he’s saying. Unfortunately the thing he is trying to explain is completely incomprehensible, so the younger boy shakes his head. Junmyeon sighs in defeat. He drags Sehun’s pen across the notebook. "First, we have to get the X on the other side and the normal numbers on the other.”

Junmyeon writes down X minus 2X equals 3 plus 5. "When we move the numbers over the equal sign, the numbers change from negative to positive and from positive to negative. Do you know what happens then?”

Sehun shakes his head again. His face is scrunched up and he looks pained. He raises his hand to tug his own hair.

"We minus 2X from X, which is -X, and count 3 plus 5. Do you know what’s 3 plus 5?”

Sehun opens his both hands and pulls down two fingers. Then he counts the remaining fingers for about three times. 

"...Eight...?”

"You are correct.”

Sehun exhilarates. Then Junmyeon asks what happens next, and Sehun has no idea. He keeps asking and asking but Sehun says he doesn’t know. Junmyeon very angrily writes down that X equals minus 8. 

"Clearly this was too hard for you. I might have been a little too hopeful.”

Junmyeon takes an easier math problem. There’s an easy looking equation: X - 5 = 0. This should be easy enough.

"What happens in this equation?"he asks and points his pen at it. Sehun starts tugging his hair again. His face looks like he’s in physical pain. Junmyeon draws an arrow that leads the five to the other side of the equation mark. He’s starting to feel anger and frustration boiling inside of him. "I asked. What happens in this equation.”

"I-I don’t know,"Sehun whines. Junmyeon’s face heats up and he raises his voice unintentionally. 

"We just went through this. What do we move to the other side of the equation mark?"Junmyeon asks and looks at Sehun gloomily from over his eyeglasses. Sehun almost starts panicking. "Come on. You can’t be that stupid that you don’t know what happens now.”

Sehun whines. His face starts heating up too and his hand tugging his own hair starts to grab him harder when Junmyeon loses it.

"The minus 5! Moves to the other side!"he yells and angrily writes down the answer. "How can you not get that right? You have to be an imbecile to not get it!”

That’s when Sehun can’t take it anymore. He jumps up quick and runs away from the room. Junmyeon hears him throwing another room’s door open and running in there. He decides to take a moment to calm down. Whenever he’s this upset, he starts to count his fingers out loud many many times until he feels calmer.

"One two three four five six seven eight nine ten one two three four five six seven eight nine ten one two three...”

He counted approximately to two-hundred before calming down a little. He then takes a deep breath and goes into the other room where Sehun is. It’s the only room he didn’t explore. The big brother’s room. Sejin is laying on his bed, playing with his phone while leaning on the headboard when his little brother is in the corner of the bed, leaning against his brother and crying on his shoulder. 

Sejin glances at Junmyeon and keeps playing with his phone, Sehun hugging his torso tightly and crying audibly. Now, Sejin’s room is a mess.

"You’re Junseok’s brother. You’re autistic,"he exclaims. Junmyeon is about to raise his finger and say that his diagnosis is complete bullshit, but the big brother keeps talking. "If you really have that high IQ, it means you can learn quickly, right? Then learn how to talk to my brother.”

Junmyeon keeps silent and stares at Sehun who keeps sniffing and gripping his brother’s shirt. Sejin looks utterly bored. 

"You’re not dumb, Sehun,"Sejin says before the little brother can even say anything. When the level is over, he raises his hand to pat Sehun’s head and hug him. Sehun covers his face and leans on his brother’s chest. 

Junmyeon observes them silently. He suddenly has flashbacks to when he was about 7 years old and his brand new Bakugan broke (and it was Junseok’s fault). He cried so much that his big brother had to buy him a new one and they hugged it out. That is the last time he remembers his brother seeing him cry. He has seen Junseok cry dozens of times in the recent years. He cried when his long-time girlfriend broke up with him, when he didn’t ace the exam, when their parents scolded him for trying weed and he was still drunk and couldn’t keep his tears of anger in. Unlike his brother, Junseok is an emotion bomb. The only emotion you can easily summon from Junmyeon is frustration, and that usually leads to anger.

Nowadays he doesn’t understand how he could have ever liked Bakugan. He stopped playing everything except video games when he was only 8 years old.

Sejin’s words play in Junmyeon’s head when he walks downstairs nonchalantly. His mind is wrapped around those words. After all, intelligence is not only spatial and mathematical abilities as well as the capacity of one’s memory. Howard Gardner described 8 different types of intelligence. From his viewpoint, Junmyeon is intelligent only in few of them. When it comes to reading other people and their feelings, he’s not very good at it. He could read Sehun just a while ago because he wasn’t being very cryptic. He went straight to the point, just like Junmyeon. 

When the mothers see Junmyeon in the kitchen again, their eyes widen.

"Back so soon? Did you teach him anything or is your detour still in progress?"Hyunmi asks. Junmyeon walks to the table and sits down with his hands neatly on his lap.

"I tried to help him with his homework and teach him some very simple equations, but he didn’t understand it. Then I called him an imbecile and he ran to his brother while crying.”

"Oh... Sehun isn’t... very good at math..."Jangmi tries to defend him.

"He seems to take long to register any of my words.”

"You shouldn’t have been so harsh on him. You should apologize,"Hyunmi says while sipping tea.

"It’s not my fault he’s dumb.”

"Junmyeon! Don’t say that.”

"What? I call Junseok dumb all the time. Shouldn’t I call Sehun dumb when he actually fits the definition of ‘stupid’?”

"No! You shouldn’t,"Hyunmi scolds. Jangmi looks at the table rather sadly.

"Does your son perhaps have lower than average IQ?"Junmyeon asks from her. Jangmi nods.

"He’s intellectually disabled. It’s only mild, but it’s there. He’s really sensitive about people calling him dumb and he doesn’t believe me or Sejin when we call him smart...”

"Probably because he knows that you both know it’s a lie,"Junmyeon says, making Jangmi’s cheeks flush. 

"You shouldn’t call Sehun dumb. Do you remember what it felt like when people called you a weirdo? You think it’s true but you don’t like to be called that way,"Hyunmi says. Junmyeon falls deep in his thoughts again. 

"I don’t like to be called a weirdo. It means I don’t fit the social norm,"he says rather silently. "That I’m different. And perhaps I wouldn’t like to be different. But the fact that I want to be something that I am not does not make me the opposite. The term still applies to me.”

"But you don’t like to be reminded of it,"Jangmi says. "Just like Sehun doesn’t.”

Junmyeon falls deep in his thoughts before taking his notebook and writing something in Sehun’s profile again. 

***

A week goes by. It’s Thursday evening again, the perfect timing for a visit and a birthday party. This time it’s sunny, the birds are singing outside and Junmyeon is standing at the door with his mother, holding a present for the birthday boy. He didn’t buy it, of course, he has no idea what Sehun would like. Junseok was kind enough to save his little brother, since Junmyeon told him that he wants to learn more about Sehun. What Sejin told him last time has been playing in his mind the whole week.

_ If you really are that intelligent, then learn how to talk to my brother. _

That is exactly what Junmyeon is going to do. He will prove that he is intelligent, more intelligent than his father. Junmyeon isn’t completely handicapped when it comes to philosophy, like many often think he is. He knows that in order to be actually intelligent, he has to learn about people too. 

And in a way, it’s so rewarding. Junmyeon doesn’t understand people and that’s why studying them feels so fascinating, so challenging. It’s nothing like math or physics, which seem to be way too easy for him (especially if you take a look at his trophy display). 

Junmyeon will be 16 next month, but his birthday isn’t celebrated like Sehun’s. Hyunmi, Jaehwa, Junseok and Junmyeon will just eat a fancy dinner and some ice cream cake after it. Junmyeon doesn’t get any presents other than hugs, but this is fine with him. Most material possession turns out to end up in the trash bin, anyway. Junmyeon doesn’t even know how to appreciate the gifts he gets if they’re not something that he actually wants. 

Hyunmi rings the doorbell. Jangmi is at the door in no time, opens it and invites the two in. The brothers are sitting at the dining table in the dining room where Jangmi and Hyunmi weren’t the last time, Sehun seemingly anxious to blow the candles out. It’s a chocolate cake, thankfully, if it was anything else then Junmyeon wouldn’t have been able to eat it. Any other flavored sweets and baked goods are a crime against humanity. It’s a good thing him and Sehun seem to share the same taste.

Sehun stares at Junmyeon as he sits down, eyeing at the present in hand. 

"Are we waiting for anybody else?"Junmyeon blurts out when looking around himself. There are three unfamiliar people and they make him slightly uncomfortable. There’s one elderly woman, one elderly man and one woman that looks slightly younger than Jangmi, probably in her thirties. 

"No, everybody is here. Oh, I completely forgot. These are my parents Oh Bumki and Oh Areum and my little sister Choi Gayoon."Since her last name is different, Junmyeon figures that she’s married, but her husband or kids aren’t here. Good. Jangmi turns to her family members. "This is my friend Kim Jangmi and her son Kim Junmyeon.”

"Oh, I’ve heard about you,"the elderly woman, Areum, says while looking at the mother and son. "You’re Sejin’s biology professor. And you are her son, you’ve won so, so, so many national contests.”

"Yeah, that’s us,"Hyunmi smiles and bows. "It’s nice to meet you.”

Junmyeon decides to stay silent and turn his attention back to Sehun who still, for some reason, keeps staring at him. He doesn’t bow to the elders, doesn’t say a word, just sits at the table opposite of Sehun and stares back at him.

"Why are you staring at me?"Junmyeon asks as Hyunmi starts a lively conversation with the adults. Sejin keeps an eye on the boys. 

Sehun shyly glances at the table before almost poking the cake with his finger but Sejin stops him by grabbing his hand.

"You have to cut the cake - don’t eat it with your fingers,"he says. Sehun sighs in frustration. "Let the adults talk... They’ll be over soon.”

"Excuse my son’s behavior. He’s autistic, like his father,"Hyunmi apologizes again. She always apologizes that her son and husband are autistic. 

"It seems we’re not the only ones with a... special kid,"the elderly man, Bumki, says. His eyelids are droopy and it’s not clear if he can see anything under those. 

Sehun and Junmyeon look at each other again. Both of them were just called a  _ special kid _ , something that they’ve been called a million times before. Junmyeon doesn’t understand it, though. He’s never thought of himself as  _ special _ , nor does he think anyone with some sort of disability is  _ special _ . It makes him seem different from the others, something that he has never wanted to be. When they say he is  _ special _ it gives them a reason not to talk to him because he’s  _ different _ from them,  _ abnormal _ , a  _ weirdo _ , furthermore distancing him from his peers and forcing him inside his own room and his lonely life, isolated from social contact. 

"Should we let the birthday boy blow out the candles? He’s been dying to open his presents all day,"Jangmi says as she sits next to Sehun and smiles at him. Sehun smiles back at her with that dumb smile of his. Everyone sits around the table and watch as Sehun blows out the candles, one by one. Thankfully she didn’t put 15 candles on the chocolate cake, but only 5.

Everyone claps after he’s done, except Junmyeon, because he doesn’t understand why they’re clapping. Clapping is supposed to be done in ceremonies after a speech or after someone has been granted with a prize of some kind. Sehun hasn’t been granted with a prize, he’s just been given the right to legally call himself a 15-year-old, which is not an accomplishment in the 21st century in South Korea.

Jangmi starts serving the cake. Hyunmi says that she can eat all the other goods and that Junmyeon loves chocolate cake, he should have a big piece. Junmyeon is excited when Jangmi does give him a big piece and he would eat it quickly if he wasn’t always so slow at eating and... doing everything in general. The only thing not slow about him is his line of thought when he solves mathematical and logical problems. 

Sehun is almost as slow. He is slightly quicker than Junmyeon because he has a smaller piece, and, well, his pace is faster. Still, they’re the last ones eating. The adults are chatting lively as the boys eat their cakes. They chat so lively that Junmyeon has to poke his mother and lend out his hand. His mother understands this and automatically digs out the noise-cancelling Bluetooth headphones from her purse. He puts them on and connects them with his phone to listen to Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata.

"We’ll go into the living room and pile up all your presents. Come there when you’re ready,"Jangmi says as she places a kiss on Sehun’s head. Sehun doesn’t say anything, just focuses on eating the cake. 

All of them go to the living room, leaving Sehun and Junmyeon alone. Junmyeon takes the headphones off now that the noisemakers are gone. When he is done, he notices that Sehun is staring at him. He looks like he has something to say, he keeps opening his mouth and closing it again and then looking back at the table.

"Hi,"he finally manages to say while looking at the table. His cheeks start to become red.

"Hello,"Junmyeon replies. "Today is your birthday.”

"Actually it’s tomorrow... on 12th... but since you came here last Thursday, it needed to be Thursday again..."Sehun says when tracing his finger along the lines of the tablecloth again. 

"Tomorrow is your birthday. You’re 15 tomorrow.”

"Yeah... How old are you?”

"15. Next month I’ll be 16.”

"...What class are you in?”

"11. The second one in high school."Sehun just keeps nodding while looking down. It seems to be way more interesting than Junmyeon, but he keeps talking, like he wanted to talk to Junmyeon. "What class are you in, then?”

Junmyeon hates smalltalk, but he has to do it in order to learn something new about Sehun. "I’m in special education class... but they might move me into regular 7th grade this year.”

"You’re in special education class because you are intellectually disabled,"Junmyeon states boldly, making Sehun tense up a little. "Do you think you will be able to study in normal classes?”

Junmyeon has been making research about intellectual disability for the last week, so he knows a little more about what kind of person Sehun is. Or, not about him as a person, but more of his disability. 

"The teachers say so...”

"What do you say? Surely you have an opinion about your transfer.”

Sehun raises his head and looks at Junmyeon with a confused look on his face, almost desperate for something. Attention, maybe. 

"I never wanted to be in special education class. But Mommy said I should... I’ve never been in normal classes...”

"Your mother always does everything for you, doesn’t she?"Junmyeon asks when taking his notebook out again. Sehun nods. Junmyeon writes down some new notes about Sehun, studying him. He raises his glasses a little bit. "Like she always introduces you to new people, too.”

"...Yeah...”

Speaking of the devil, Jangmi comes into the room where the boys are. She walks to Sehun and smiles at him, trying to take his hand in hers as he looks up at her with big eyes, hair getting in the way of his view. 

"Come on, Sehun, your presents are all there."Except for the one Junmyeon still has on his lap. The three of them make their way into the living room, Junmyeon just following the two and awkwardly holding the present he has for Sehun. 

Sehun sits down on the floor in front of all the presents and his family members. Junmyeon decides to analyze him. He looks tense, like he had a stick up his ass, indicating that he is uncomfortable and feels restricted under all the watchful eyes. His eyes are big, as if he’s waiting for instructions about what will come next. Waiting for someone to tell him what to do. Waiting for someone to think for him.

Junmyeon decides to take the initiative and sit down on the floor before the boy and his presents. He hands out the present and the younger one accepts it with a confused look on his face - the same kind of look he has all the time. 

"Our mothers told me about your disability. I'm sorry, it was idiotic of me to assume that you could solve those math problems, of course it must be hard for you, given how unintelligent you are because of your neurological difference. But you are cute, which makes being around you bearable. I propose that from now on I shall not try to teach you any school subjects, since you are clearly incapable of solving even the easiest math problems, which frustrates me very much and brings out the worst in me.”

Sehun puts the present down on his lap and smiles to himself sheepishly. His cheeks become red. He puts his hands on his cheeks and giggles while the adults in the room look, first of all, shocked about Junmyeon’s words but then relieved about Sehun’s reaction. 

"...You think I’m cute?"he asks. Junmyeon doesn’t understand how that was the only part he got out from everything he just said. Most of all he’s happy that someone actually reacted positively to what he said... this time his mother didn’t say that he didn’t mean it, which is completely false, since Junmyeon always means what he says. 

"Yes, that is what I said,"Junmyeon confirms. Sehun giggles out some more, hiding his face and opens the present. When he unravels the stuffed Nick Wilde from Zootopia, his face lights up and he hugs it like his dear life depended on it.

Something in Junmyeon’s heart feels weird. Did he do something... right? His actions made someone... happy?

"What do you say, Sehun?"Jangmi asks. Sehun looks up at her with big eyes, no clue about what she’s on about. "He just apologized.”

"I..."Sehun focuses his attention back to Junmyeon and suddenly his cheeks flush again. "...Forgive you...”

"And...?”

"...Thank you... for the gift...”

Junmyeon was about to say something. When he sees Sehun looking at him with half-lidded, happy eyes and a big grin on his face, Nick Wilde plushie pressed against his chest, he has nothing to say anymore.

***

Jangmi and Hyunmi have decided that Hyunmi and Junmyeon should come over once every two weeks, to make visiting every other Thursday from 5 to 8 a part of Junmyeon’s routines. After the first two visits, Junmyeon has noticed that meeting Sehun hasn’t been that bad. He likes it that he made Sehun happy last time. He likes to study Sehun. 

Right now the teens are sitting in Sehun’s room and playing something on his Playstation. It’s a multiplayer game, one where they are competing each other in all kinds of minigames. Junmyeon is growing bored of it rather quickly. He has beat Sehun and the AI in all of them. One that keeps surprising him is that Sehun has not once been mad for losing a match. And he has been smiling all this time, chuckling every time something a little exciting happens, like when he gets the first point of his when the AI is 10 points ahead of him and Junmyeon another 10 points ahead of the AI. 

Once they’ve played through almost all the minigames two times, Junmyeon calls it quits. He just can’t take it anymore. He simply just presses the middle button of the controller and chooses "Turn off the system”. Sehun bats his eyes in a confused manner as he slowly turns to look Junmyeon. 

"I’m bored. The game is way too easy,"he says bluntly. Sehun scratches his head.

"I liked it..."Junmyeon played it for the first time ever just now. Sehun said before they started playing that him and his brother always play it, and he sometimes manages to be third. Junmyeon did not understand how. 

"Why? You never even won.”

"It’s not the winning part that’s fun. I like it that there are many different kinds of games... so I don’t get bored... I just like that game..."Sehun shyly starts moving around the control stick. Junmyeon is bewildered. How could anyone like playing a game that they can’t even win? But then again Junmyeon grew tired of it pretty quick, and he won many times.

"You’re so... weird,"Junmyeon blurts out. Sehun looks up at him, obviously hurt.

"You’re weird, too. That’s why you seem so normal to me.”

"That doesn’t make any sense,"Junmyeon huffs. Sehun shrugs. 

"I guess we’re both weird.”

"Well, I guess we are. But you’re still weird to me. But you’re also very different from other people I’ve encountered. You are very different from my mother. And my brother. And your mother and your brother. People often say I’m like my father. Are you like your father? Also, you never talk about him. When I asked your mother, she just took some distance and my mother told me that I should not ask about that. But I’m asking you.”

Over half of the words he just said fly way above Sehun’s head and he squints his eyes, taking his sweet time to process everything that was just said by the older one. Junmyeon takes this as his cue to keep on talking.

"My father is autistic. But he’s way more autistic than me. In fact, I don’t consider myself autistic, though my diagnosis is Asperger’s syndrome. Do you... know what autism means?”

Sehun shakes his head. Junmyeon sighs in defeat.

"Anyway. Where’s your father?”

"Mommy told me not to talk about him.”

"Why?"Sehun’s back flops and he puts the controller down, now playing with his nails. He doesn’t seem to be able to stay still, which Junmyeon can relate to. 

"Because he treated me badly... it’s his fault I’m dumb...”

"Why do you cry when someone else calls you dumb but then call yourself dumb? I thought you didn’t want to be called that way. I don’t understand,"Junmyeon says. He scratches his head. 

"...I know what I am, Junmyeon... Don’t you feel... attacked... when somebody you don’t know walks up to you and... calls you dumb?"Sehun’s voice shivers a little as he keeps playing with his fingers.

"No, this has never happened to me. Some people from school have walked up to me and called me an autistic faggot, which is dumb, because faggot is a derogatory word that shouldn’t be used anymore in the 21st century. Well, I guess I get your point, I don’t want anyone to come up to me and call me autistic, even if it was true, because I’m not autistic, I just have autistic traits,"Junmyeon explains again but quickly realizes that Sehun hasn’t understood anything. So he leans closer to say again, "I get your point. I don’t want anybody to tell me I’m autistic, even though I have autistic traits.”

"Exactly. The truth hurts,"Sehun says.

"The truth... hurts,"Junmyeon repeats.

"Don’t you want to be like... normal people?”

"Not a day goes by when I don’t think about it.”

***

A few weeks pass and Junmyeon decides to talk about the strange Sehun with his big brother. Junseok is in his room, trying out new outfits and spending awful lot of time in front of the mirror. Something that Junmyeon never does. He wears the same kind of clothes every day and does the same thing to his hair every day. He combs them and only wears jeans and hoodies.

"Hyung,"he starts by making himself known. Junseok opens his arms and smiles wide.

"Junmyeon. Tell me if this outfit is good,"he says and spins around, showing his new white hoodie and ripped light blue jeans. Junmyeon eyes him from head to toes.

"This outfit does not please my aesthetic standards, but I guess that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, therefore subjective. But if you ask my opinion and not an objective truth then hyung, this outfit is terrible."

"Well thanks for mansplaining that to me,"Junseok chuckles and sits down on his bed, looking up at his brother who looks troubled. "What’s going on?”

"The world goes on. So do many TV shows that shouldn’t, like Riverdale,"Junmyeon says and makes his brother roll his eyes.

"I meant, why are you here? What do you want?”

"Why does Sehun enjoy playing this video game that he absolutely, for the lack of better term, sucks at?"Junmyeon asks and keeps looking at the ground with a puzzled look on his face. Junseok pats the seat beside him, telling Junmyeon to sit down on his bed. The little brother obliges.

"Because Sehun likes things for what they are, and not for what he gains from them,"Junseok explains. "Have you ever liked things for what they are, or do you enjoy the winning?”

"Winning doesn’t feel like anything when you did absolutely nothing to achieve it,"Junmyeon tells his brother honestly. "Every time I receive another award for my outstanding school performance, it just doesn’t feel like anything. But when there is a really hard math problem that I figure out, I’m the happiest person alive, probably literally. That is so satisfying."

"Maybe Sehun just doesn’t need much in order to enjoy life. By the way, Sejin said I should tell you to let him win some game sometime. Play something that he’s really good at.”

"But what, hyung? He’s not good at anything. In fact, he’s really bad at everything.”

"All people are good at something. Even Sehun has talents that you don’t even know about. Ask him to show you one of his drawings sometime, or see how good he is in sports. Sehun may not be intelligent, but it doesn’t mean he’s not talented. In some areas he's more talented than any person who has twice the IQ he has.”

***

Junmyeon decides to give it a try.

And deeply regrets it.

Turns out Sehun is invincible when it comes to Wii Sports.

This frustrates Junmyeon very much. He keeps blaming the Wii remote and threatens to smash Sehun’s TV, Playstation and the Wii that they forced Sejin to attach to Sehun’s room’s TV. Sehun first laughs about it, but becomes more and more concerned as the night progresses.

"Maybe we should stop playing,"he says. "You don’t seem to like it.”

"I hate this game!"Junmyeon yells and plops down on the ground. Sehun just turns off the console. The room’s door is open, in case they need help with something, Sejin is on the watch. Now the big brother comes into the room but Sehun waves him off, trying to signal that he’s not needed.

"It’s just a game, Junmyeon. Calm down.”

"No! Ugh! I hate it!"Junmyeon keeps screaming. It doesn’t matter to him that Sehun was really happy when he won - his happiness was quickly washed over by worry when Junmyeon started molesting the floor with his fists and feet.

They sit on the ground legs crossed. Junmyeon is fuming. Sehun scoots closer, takes Junmyeon’s hand in his and removes the controller. Then he hugs Junmyeon and starts patting his back, something that his brother and mother always do to him when he’s upset. 

Junmyeon’s heart almost skips a beat. Sejin comes to the door again to find his brother hugging the other boy and then goes away immediately, smiling to himself. Junmyeon feels blood rushing to his head and his whole face feels like it’s on fire. And what he hates the most about this is that he has no idea what it is. 

"Calm down, Junmyeon,"Sehun says, and weirdly enough, Junmyeon does calm down.

***

Junmyeon dislikes going to the beach. He  _ hates _ the beach, but since it’s summer vacation and the day is hot, he is forced to come along with his mother, brother, Sehun, Jangmi and Sejin. Junseok and Sejin are building a huge sandcastle. Junmyeon hates the sand. He has a white shirt and swimming trunks on. Jangmi and Hyunmi are in their bikinis, under the same parasol. They’re reading the same magazine about interior design, side by side. 

Junmyeon is staring out into the sea. 

Sehun swims so fast. One second he’s there and another one there, in the water, under the burning sun. Junmyeon watches as he goes. It’s like Junseok said, Sehun is talented. Just not mentally. 

Junmyeon decides to join Sehun. It’s not like his mother or brother yearn his company at the moment. He doesn’t take off his shirt when going nearer the water. He puts his feet into the water. There are a lot of people at the beach, but Sehun practically shines through the crowd. Some people are staring at him as he crawls his way through using big strokes. And he doesn’t even look dumb doing so, unlike Junmyeon whenever he tries to swim. He doesn’t like swimming in the nature, though. The only place he’s willing to swim in is their own living pool at their mansion.

"Sehun!"he tries to call for him. Sehun doesn’t stop. He’s just crawling away and back again. Junmyeon gives up immediately. There’s no way Sehun hears him, so he goes back to his place under the parasol, adds some more sunblock and lays down. He takes his noise-cancelling headphones from his mother’s purse and listens to Once Upon A December by Emile Pandolfi. He quickly changes it to some Vivaldi when he gets too much winter vibes and he’s sweating his skin off.

Sehun suddenly pops into his view, heaving above him and grinning widely. Junmyeon just stares at him. And they do that for quite some time, earning stares from their family members. The two of them interact in such strange manner with each other, but still it doesn’t seem to feel awkward.

Sehun’s mouth moves in a way that seems like he’s saying something. Junmyeon takes off his headphones.

"What?”

"Are we friends?"Sehun asks. 

Junmyeon blinks a couple times. Friends? He’s never had a friend. Apart from his brother, of course. Sehun is no different. 

"I think so,"he says. That makes Sehun so happy that he plops down next to Junmyeon and keeps on grinning like this was the best thing that’s ever happened to him. Which is probably true. Junmyeon doesn’t know what to think. He doesn’t really feel anything at the notion of ‘friend’. He doesn’t know what he should feel. But Sehun is happy.

"You’re my best friend. I only have two friends anyway, one is Sejin and one is you,"Sehun says. Junmyeon sits upright and stares at Sehun’s bare chest heaving heavily. He’s so skinny. His muscles are clearly visible. 

"I only have two friends, too. One is Junseok and the other is you.”

"Have you ever had any other friends?”

"My entire life my only friend has been my brother.”

"I had friends when I was a kid... when I was... normal..."

"What do you mean normal?”

"Before the accident... I mean... Nobody knows if it’s because I hit my head... Or if it was caused by something else... But I... used to be like everybody else..."Sehun says. Junmyeon is confused. He read somewhere that a head trauma could be linked to intellectual disability, but it’s still weird to think about it. It must have been a hard blow.

"What was it like?”

"I don’t know. I was 5 years old, I don’t remember anything about it.”

"I doubt children can have real friends. Children are stupid. They would count a teddy bear to be their friend,"Junmyeon huffs. Sehun glances at him and then starts drawing into the sand with his finger.

"Sometimes I talk to my teddies.”

"Why?”

"Because I don’t have anybody else to talk to... when I’m home alone... Sejin is studying... Mommy is at work... and I’m... alone...”

"Aish, that’s just dumb,"Junmyeon says as he sits upright, takes his phone from his mother’s bag and goes into the contacts. "Give me your number.”

Sehun looks at him with a shocked expression. "...I don’t remember it...”

Junmyeon stands up and walks over to Jangmi, kneeling in the sand next to her. Jangmi looks up at him with a smile.

"You boys having a good time?"she asks. 

"No. I’m hot and sweaty and I want to go home. But I need Sehun’s number so he would stop talking nonsense to his teddy bears."Jangmi and Hyunmi turn to look at Junmyeon with wide eyes. 

"You want Sehun’s number so he could call you whenever he’s lonely and needs someone to talk to?"Hyunmi asks. "Junmyeon? Is this... my son?”

"Of course you can have Hunnie’s number! I’ll give it to you right away!"Jangmi says as she digs her phone from her purse and is about to take Junmyeon’s phone from him when the latter presses it against his chest. Nobody touches his belongings. 

Then she says all the digits one by one, and when she’s done, Junmyeon saves Sehun’s number with the name ‘Oh Sehun’. Then he goes back to where Sehun is, staring out at the sea and breathing in the wind.

He sits down next to the younger one who turns to look at him. They sit close each other under the parasol.

"You didn’t invite me to your birthday party two months ago,"Sehun says. Junmyeon doesn’t look back at him, so he turns his head back towards the sea.

"I don’t celebrate my birthday. We just eat cake at home and that’s it. I don’t like birthday parties. Actually, I say that just because yours is the only one I’ve ever been to. If Mother, Father or Junseok have a birthday party, I stay in my room and do not participate.”

"You didn’t... like my birthday party?"Sehun asks with disappointment evident in his voice. He lowers his head.

"No, I didn’t. I thought I made myself clear back then. I didn’t like it when you were the center of attention but you hardly spoke to anyone else than me for a fleeting moment. I didn’t like it that there were more people than just the two of us. I enjoy the time we spend together when we’re separated from the rest of the world."The words just roll from his tongue without much thought given to them. Most of them go way above Sehun’s head. He starts smiling, though. What he picks from everything Junmyeon says is always a gamble... and how he interprets it. "I forgot to mention. You swim very well.”

"I used to swim in a team. Before, when I was 10... then Mommy told me to stop, she said that my disability got in the way.”

"How does your disability get in the way?”

"I don’t know... but she said she knew... and I’ve always trusted her... she always says she knows what’s best for me..."Sehun says and draws on the sand. He draws a smiley.

Junmyeon doesn’t stand this. He gets up and walks up to Jangmi, sitting down beside her. She looks up at him with a gentle smile.

"How does Sehun’s disability get in the way of swimming in a team?"he asks, making her smile freeze instantly.

"Junmyeon... if you had an intellectually disabled child, you would know. The other kids called him retarded and following the rules was hard for him. He just wanted to do everything his own way and waiting for his own turn was really hard for him. Learning became considerably harder for him in all areas.”

"I’m sure he can get accustomed to some rules in a team if he can get accustomed to your rules of keeping silent because you do all the talking for him and if he says anything, you apologize for his behavior,"Junmyeon snaps, making both the mothers gasp.

"Junmyeon! Don’t say that,"Hyunmi scolds. Junmyeon just huffs.

"And you, you’re just as bad,  _ Mother _ . You always apologize for my behavior. There’s nothing to apologize for about me,"he goes on. His face is heating up from anger and he feels his fists aching to hit something. He wouldn’t hit his mother... probably. But if triggered, he would physically harm anyone who got in his way.

"Calm down, Junmyeon,"Hyunmi tries, but it doesn’t help at all. He almost starts yelling, but when he feels Sehun’s arms around him and his head on his back, everything’s alright again. Sehun calmly soothes his body and shushes him, telling him to calm down, saying that everything’s okay.

His touch is like magic. It makes Junmyeon’s fists open and his tense body relax. Everything is okay when Sehun is there to make it okay.

He sighs deeply.

"Calm down,"Sehun says with a gentle, sweet voice. 

"...Maybe I could... contact a coach..."Jangmi gives in.

***

When autumn approaches, Junseok and Sejin decide to take their brothers to an amusement park. There’s lots of things to see and rides to go on... and a lot of noise that Junmyeon just cannot block with his headphones because he needs to hear what Sehun says. An amusement park is the worst place the big brothers could have taken him.

But for Sehun, Junmyeon is willing to give it a go. Sehun seems excited about everything, but his big brother has to remind him that he cannot go on any tougher rides because his stomach will be in knots after that, and the last time wasn’t so gentle. So Sehun decides to listen to his brother and do as he tells him, even if this annoys Junmyeon greatly. Not because Junmyeon would like to go on the rides, oh no, his head would get all messed up, but because Sehun always does what his mother and brother tell him to. He obediently listens to them, obediently learns how to fit into their world. 

Obediently learns how to be less than the others, learns how to let other people control his life.

It makes Junmyeon so angry.

They go on the easier rides. Junmyeon is bored to death by them and is pretty vocal about it, but Sehun seems to have a great time. When they walk past the Ferris wheel, both of them gape at it and just shake their heads. That ride is a definite no-no. 

But the arcade - ah, the arcade - that is where both of them can really enjoy themselves. They play ping pong, some flying simulator, driving simulator, Whac-A-Mole... The whole evening goes by fast. There is only one thing left to do: pull the ropes to earn a price. Junmyeon hates the whole concept and actually hopes he doesn’t get anything, but Sehun is a different case. He genuinely believes that there is a way, a tactic, something other than mere guessing and luck, that he could win something from it. When he pulls a rope, he gets nothing. He just shrugs it off but you could clearly see the defeat in his eyes, something that actually makes Junmyeon feel something. Empathy? He isn’t completely emotionless, though it is hard for him to relate to people and understand what they’re going through. But when seeing Sehun so upset about it, his heart just stings.

When he pulls the rope, he earns a plushie. The staff person hands him the stuffed animal across the desk and he accepts it nonchalantly.

"Congrats..."Sehun says, as if he didn’t want that Judy Hopps plushie. He keeps eyeing it. 

Junmyeon hands it over to him and says, "You can have it if you want. I have no use for it. In fact, I don’t want it.”

Sehun’s eyes brighten.

"Really?"he asks as he’s already snuggling the medium-sized furry friend from his favorite movie. Then he hugs Junmyeon tight.

Junmyeon doesn’t know what it is, but his heart feels weird and the bottom of his stomach tingles, like there were butterflies flying around. And his heart suddenly starts beating more rapidly. The fact that he doesn’t know what it is makes him very uneasy and frustrated. 

***

Jangmi doesn’t like it when Sehun’s alone. Just a year ago, there would have been no chance that she would have let him be alone at home for more than two hours at a time. Lately she just hasn’t had any chance to do otherwise. Her and Sejin are both busy, and there is no one left to take care of her baby boy.

Except, of course, his best friend. 

Junmyeon didn’t take the job easily. Despite being Sehun’s best friend and calling him frequently, they still don’t meet each other more often than once every other week’s Thursday for three hours at a time. Both of them have established that texting doesn’t work between them, they have to call each other. This is mainly due to the fact that when Sehun reads Junmyeon’s texts, he can actually  _ see _ and  _ read _ everything Junmyeon says. When they  _ talk _ , he only pays attention to the last sentence. So it takes him a million years to understand what Junmyeon said and it takes million years for Junmyeon to not only explain himself, but to also understand what Sehun is on about. To avoid misunderstandings, they have decided not to text each other. They only send voice messages and call each other, preferably the latter.

Now everything has to change. They have to meet more often. Every Friday is now their main meeting time. Now it’s not only just a few hours, but for the whole evening. Junmyeon has to pick Sehun up from school, walk him home and then keep company to him until either his mother or brother get back home. And that doesn’t usually happen before really late in the evening.

Junmyeon thought that he would have had more objections, but since he has grown pretty fond of Sehun, he doesn’t mind. He’s actually excited to pick him up from school and walk him home, to spend more time with him. And it’s funny that someone else had to suggest this to him. Why he couldn’t come up with it on his own is just unfathomable.

He enters the middle school building. Sehun still hasn’t been transferred to the normal classes, but he’s slowly been introduced to them. Junmyeon went to the same middle school that Sehun’s in, but he does not remember ever seeing Sehun before last year’s April. To think that it’s been almost a year since that happened. And Sehun has grown so much, so much that he’s already as tall as Junmyeon.

Sehun told him where the class is, so he goes there. The door is open, so he decides to take a look inside. 

And, oh my, what he sees. 

"This place looks like kindergarten. Sehun, why are you here?"he asks in all seriousness. Sehun jumps up from his desk where he was coloring a picture.

"Junmyeon!"he exclaims happily at the sight of him. He runs up to the older one and hugs him, much to Junmyeon’s surprise. It’s already two weeks since they saw each other - he skipped their meeting yesterday, since his routines are going to change. "I missed you.”

"Why? We saw two weeks ago and you called me just yesterday. You shouldn’t have missed me.”

"But I did! You didn’t visit me yesterday... I kept waiting for you..."he says with a pout. He waited until he called Junmyeon, just to know that he wasn’t going to come in the first place. Little did he know that Junmyeon didn’t even listen to what he had on mind for all those three hours that the phone call went on. He just had it on speaker while he did his math homework and just hummed and said something random every once in a while. Not hanging up the call was his way of showing that he cares.

"Don’t worry. We’re going to see each other every Friday from now on.”

"And who might this gentleman be?"an older woman asks as she approaches the two with a kind smile. She’s a little chubby and looks friendly. 

"This is Junmyeon. He’s really smart. And he’s my best friend,"Sehun says happily. Junmyeon glances at him before starting to observe her. He wants to pull out his notebook but it’s nowhere near him at the moment.

"Hi, Junmyeon. I’m Lee Minji. It’s nice to meet you,"she says, bows and earns nothing but a nod from Junmyeon. She just smiles it off. "You were looking for Sehun?”

"Why does your classroom look like kindergarten?"he asks seriously from the teacher who bats her eyes a few times. 

"Well, Junmyeon, many of the students in this class learn better by visual examples so I try my best to provide them,"she explains. Junmyeon looks at the walls with all kinds of pictures on them. He just hums as a reply, not particularly chatty today.

Sehun starts pulling his sleeve.

"Junmyeon I wanna show you something,"he says when dragging the older one to his desk where his drawing is sitting. 

Junmyeon takes it in his hands and inspects it from various different point of views. He takes it to the board and hangs it up with a magnet before taking distance and adoring the view. It’s a simple picture of a cartoon character squad Sehun has been designing. The lines are finely inked and the coloring is in harmony and even, everything is just perfect.

"You could become a professional artist,"he says without looking at Sehun. "I am not saying this only from my subjective viewpoint, but as a person who has studied some art, my belief is that objectively speaking your style is unique and could be very well liked by the art industry and especially by the consumers of comics, cartoons and video games.”

Sehun claps his hands together once.

"Me? An artist?"He seems overjoyed every time Junmyeon compliments him. Maybe it’s because Junmyeon never lies so he can believe everything he says.

"Yes.”

Sehun grabs his cheeks and stares at his piece of art with a dreamy look.

"...I’ve always wanted to be... an artist..."


	2. Sixteen.

Junmyeon still doesn't know how to buy Sehun gifts.

Actually, he doesn't know how to buy gifts to anyone unless they have specifically told him what to buy. He's not a psychic.

Thankfully his mother took the wheel again. She always seems to know how to treat people. Except Junmyeon. Maybe he's still her "little boy," which makes her neglect all his needs as a high school student. He is already starting his last year of school, in the age of sixteen. 

They are celebrating Sehun's 16th birthday on a Friday night, even though it's not his actual birthday today. It doesn't matter, it had to be changed for Junmyeon. The birthday boy, his hyung, his best friend and that friend's hyung are all playing a board game together. To Junmyeon it's dumb, because the game they are playing requires only one thing: luck. You just roll the dice, move forward on the board and wait until you cross one of the spots where you have to do something like moving backwards 5 steps. 

Junmyeon feels so frustrated that it's hard for him to even pretend that he enjoys this. The only thing making him calmer is the fact that every time it's somebody else's turn, he can just stare at Sehun. The younger notices this many times, but smiles it off the same way his mother always does. 

Thankfully his other family members visited yesterday, so Junmyeon doesn't have to be surrounded by unfamiliar people. 

"I won," Sejin says and that is in fact correct. Sehun just pouts a little. Junmyeon coos in his mind, but keeps his mouth shut. Staring at Sehun, observing him, has somehow become the most interesting thing is his life. Sejin and Junseok plot on watching a movie and having a sleepover with the whole family staying at the Oh residence. Unfortunately they can't, however, because Junmyeon and Junseok's father would totally freak and so would Junmyeon.

The older brothers open the TV and Netflix to look for a nice family friendly movie that all four of them can enjoy. One that isn't a Netflix Original. This is as good a time as any for Junmyeon to take out his notebook and make some new notes about the younger boy.

Sehun is a puzzle to Junmyeon. He keeps looking at the younger one with an intense stare, inspecting every inch of his body with his eyes, and when Sehun turns to look at him, he doesn’t halt. He doesn’t care that Sehun sees that he’s writing down notes about the way he sits, the way he speaks, the way his height has changed drastically, the roundness of his booty, the lankiness of his body, the silkiness of his hair, the amiability of his facial features. And Sehun doesn’t mind that Junmyeon writes down notes. He doesn’t think it’s creepy, doesn’t think it’s weird, doesn’t really think anything about it. When their eyes meet, the younger one just sends him a confused smile, not saying a word, doesn’t have the need to. He’s still in position like he was a model posing for an artist. He is art himself.

The sound of the movie does not disturb the artist as he captures every inch of the model's beauty.

***

"Hyung," Junmyeon starts as he walks into his brother's room without a warning. Junseok is just studying biology, hitting the books like his whole life depended on it. You could practically see the veins popping on his temples as his nose is only inches above the text book that lays on his desk. He pays no attention to his little brother until he has finished the chapter. "Hyung."

His eyes rise from his book and his head turns slowly. He blinks a couple times.

"What is it?"

"How do you know you're in love?"

"How do I know?"

"I mean that how do people know that they are in love in general. Not you. I am very well aware that you are not seeing anyone. With your charm, I don't think you're going to find anyone in a long time," Junmyeon says, making his brother look at him unamused. 

"Do you think you're in love with someone?" Junseok asks, hiding the excitement in his voice. Of course he's hyped. Junmyeon just puts his glasses a bit better and takes another step inside the room.

"I have done some research. Love is a chemical reaction in our brains that may happen when we are attracted to someone and share some oxytocin with them. I share oxytocin with Sehun every single Friday, and every time I see him, I feel at ease. I believe that this, in fact, could be classified as 'being in love,' so yes, I am 95 percent sure that I am in love with Sehun," Junmyeon confesses. Junseok's eyes widen and he corrects his posture, sitting upright. His smile becomes wide and then he jumps up, taking his little brother in his arms and spinning him around. Junmyeon only hits him, hoping for him to let go at this instant. "I am not 100 percent sure, which is why I decided to ask your brotherly advice. Not that you would have much experience on the field."

"Oh I am so happy for you that I could just squeeze the life out of you!" Junseok squeals. Junmyeon huffs.

"Would killing me bring you joy?"

"No, no, it was just an expression…" Junseok laughs as he takes his brother's hand and forces him to take a seat on his bed. Then he sits down beside him, seemingly excited about the whole thing. "So. You think you're in love with Sehun? My little brother and my best friend's little brother… Oh you guys make such a cute couple!"

"We are not a couple. At… at least yet," Junmyeon says while looking down, his cheeks starting to burn.

"You're blushing! You're totally in love. I've seen the way you two look at each other and…" the big brother goes on before turning serious. "...It takes years for people to start to love each other. It takes a lot of trust and dedication and you can't control it. The question 'are you in love' is not important, but rather, what you decide to do about it."

"I don't know, hyung. I've never been in love. For the first time ever, I have a problem that I cannot solve."

"That's because people don't work logically. Even if you do, most people don't. And god knows that relationships between people are just the most illogical thing on this earth."

"God doesn't know cause a god doesn't exist, but that is beyond the point. I have seen that relationships are not easy or logical, which is why I have never had friends besides Sehun. They don't work like mathematics. Which is why you need to help me."

"Well… What do you want from Sehun?"

"I… want him to love me back."

"And what do you need to do to make him fall in love with you?"

"Kiss him? Date him? Buy things for him? Tell him that I love him?"

"No," Junseok chuckles. "All you need to do is listen to him. Maybe you should ask Dad. He might have a little more experience with making someone fall in love with him."

***

So. He talks about it with his father.

His father's always been pretty distant. This has not bothered Junmyeon very much, but Junseok has been more emotional about it. He always says that he wished he had a father who even talked to him. Despite Jaehwa being distant at times, him and Hyunmi have a great relationship. But maybe the two of them spend more time together than the father spends with his sons.

Junmyeon goes into his father's office where he's writing equations and algorithms in his notebook so quickly that Junmyeon can barely see his hand move.

"Why are you in my office?" Jaehwa asks immediately as he takes off his earmuffs. He doesn't even look at his son in the eye when Junmyeon tries to make eye contact. He drops his look on the ground, as always with his father. Some might think that it's awkward between them. That couldn't be further from the truth. Junmyeon doesn't have a problem making eye contact, he just doesn't like it very much. Jaehwa on the other hand... He's hopeless. He can barely look at his own wife in the eye, even after over twenty years of marriage, even after having two sons on the verge of adulthood.

"I came to ask for your advice."

"My advice? My advice on what? You're a smart boy, Junmyeon, what could you possibly need my help for?"

"Relationships. How do I start one with a boy I like."

"With a boy you like? I didn't know you like a boy. Or that you like boys in general. But, it doesn't matter, you can't do anything about who you're attracted to. And oh, when you are attracted to someone, it's not just attraction, it's an obsession."

"Father. I just need your help in making him my boyfriend."

Jaehwa immediately starts rummaging through his drawers until he finds a notebook with empty pages. Junmyeon walks closer to see what he's going to teach him. He starts writing, with the same illegible handwriting that Junmyeon has - which means that he understands it perfectly.

"To clear things to myself, I researched long and hard how to make Hyunmi fall in love with me. It helped that we knew each other already. Do you know this boy?"

"Yes. I visit him every week. We've known each other for a year." Junmyeon likes it that his father never asks too much. He simply doesn't care to know more than needed.

"Good. You can take the same steps as I took with your mother. And, the first step is talking about feelings. I know it's hard but you have to be able to talk about your feelings and open up. Second step is physical contact. Start with just being close to him and maybe hugs. Slowly and gradually move towards laying in bed with him, just side by side, close to each other and maybe cuddle. The third step is making it romantic. Tell him that you would like to kiss him. Then kiss. You can slowly start opening your mouth more into the kiss and touch his body. Fourth step is making it a little sexual. Ask him if you can touch his... chest, stomach, ass, crotch, intimate regions. On the clothes.  And remember in every step that if he says no, then it means that he really doesn't want you to do it, but remember also that people are weird and might say yes in different situations. Like they would say no to you in your parents' house but suddenly it's fine in a hotel room. I don't get it. Fifth step is touching without clothes on. Always remember to ask permission. Sixth step is sex. You can include oral sex before that."

"This is too ambiguous, Father, I need details. At what point is he going to be my boyfriend?"

"You're going to have to Google the details. Or ask your brother." Then he rips the page off his notebook. "Here. You might need this."

***

Another Friday comes and Junmyeon arrives at the Oh residence. Jangmi comes to the door and flings it open, seemingly worried and panicked. Her eyes are red from all the crying. Junmyeon doesn't understand the situation, he's just expecting to be invited in and so he is.

"Have you seen Sehun? Is he with you? Do you know where he is?" Jangmi questions the boy as he walks inside, ignoring welcomes and hellos which is unusual for her.

"No. I came here, just like every Friday, expecting him to be here," he explains. This Friday Jangmi was supposed to be home which is why Junmyeon came a little later and didn't pick Sehun up from school. He usually wouldn't want to stray from his routines, but he had yet another award ceremony at his school and he received yet another national prize for physics. It will help him get in university.

Jangmi bursts into tears immediately. "I have called him a million times and sent him a million texts, but he hasn't replied to any of them! He hasn't even seen them! Why is he not on his phone?! Why is it muted?! What if someone kidnapped him? What if he's hurt? What if he's hurt and there's no connection-- We need to find him!" she screams, almost pulling out her hair. Junmyeon sighs but cannot hide the worry inside him. The mother's terror kind of reflects on him as well. He takes out his phone to try and call Sehun, but to no avail. Sehun isn't picking up.

"You're being hysterical," Junmyeon points out. "I'm sure you haven't called him a million times or texted him a million times. How long ago should he have been home?"

"Two hours ago- He told me he would stop by the shop to buy himself some sweets for the weekend, but he never came back home! I should have gone with him! The store is just across the street, I didn't think anything could happen if he went there alone! I even asked the shop owner if he'd seen Sehun and do you know what he said? He said that Sehun never even went to the shop!"

Worry washes over Junmyeon. "Have you called the police?"

"Yeah! It was the first thing I did! They said they're going to keep an eye out, and if he doesn't return by night, they're going to start the search."

Junmyeon starts jittering. He's finding it hard to stay put. What if something has happened to Sehun? It's unlike of him to just disappear. Junmyeon doesn't know how to react or what to do, but he doubts that anything serious has happened. Maybe he's just on a jog and lost his way home? Or maybe his mother was simply just being too much and he decided to go for a walk around the neighborhood... Doesn't sound completely half-assed to Junmyeon, knowing how Sehun feels about his mother always pampering him.

An hour goes by with the two of them trying to contact anyone who could know where Sehun is. Until finally Jangmi's phone rings and the caller is none other than her younger son.

"Sehun," she says his name immediately and gets nothing but sobs as a reply on the other end of the line. "Where are you? Why haven't you picked up the phone? Why haven't you read my messages? Why wasn't your GPS on? Hunnie, I need to know where you are."

_ "Mommy," _ he whines into the phone and it breaks Jangmi even more.

"Tell me where you are, honey. We'll come pick you up. Everything's alright, sweetie."

Sehun sobs out the address where he is and says that he's sitting on the porch of the house. Jangmi and Junmyeon waste no time as they hop into her car and start driving to the place immediately. Jangmi gives the phone to Junmyeon and tells him to stay on line.

"Sehun," Junmyeon says and there's nothing but sobbing.

_ "J-J-Junmyeon," _ he cries.  _ "Are you going to p-p-pick me up?" _

"Me and your mother are. She is driving the car."

_ "Junmyeon... C-can you stay the night with me?" _ Junmyeon's heart picks up the pace. He blinks a few times and stares at the road.

"No. You already ruined my routines by not showing up. First was the award ceremony and then this. If I have to spend the night in your house, I will lose my mind."

Sehun starts crying louder after those words and Jangmi grunts, taking the phone away from him immediately. She drives and talks on phone despite it being a safety hazard. She's just annoyed by Junmyeon's lack of empathy.

"It's okay, honey, you can sleep next to Mommy, okay?" Sehun doesn't reply to this. Surely he's a big boy already who no longer sleeps next to Mommy... except whenever there are monsters in his room, somebody said something bad to him, he's lonely or he had a seizure and it scared him. Oh, and whenever he's sick. Or there's a thunderstorm.

Soon they reach the address and they get out of the car to walk up to Sehun who's sitting on the porch and crying into his hands, holding the phone to his ear. They hear music blasting inside the house and see from the window that there are people dancing and drinking.

"Come, baby, let's get you out of here," Jangmi says when sitting down next to Sehun, hugging him tightly and placing a kiss on his temple. Sehun slowly stands up with their help, but his legs seem like jello.

"Wh-wh-where's hyung?" Sehun asks when falling back down on the porch and staring at his feet that have completely stopped working. "H-h-he's the only one strong enough to carry me."

"Why aren't your legs working?" Jangmi asks with a little more demanding voice and Sehun looks at her with big and apologetic, red eyes. Tears keep streaming down his face and he's snotting everywhere. "You reek of alcohol."

"A-a-are you mad at me, Mommy?" Sehun stutters when Jangmi sighs deeply and tries to lift him up again.

"Give me a hand, Junmyeon."

The last time Junmyeon literally just gave the other person asking for a hand his hand. Needless to say that Junseok definitely slapped him as he fell to the ground with all the groceries. Then Junmyeon learned that giving a hand means helping out.

So Junmyeon helps Jangmi carry her drunken son to the car and sits on the backseat with him. Sehun immediately hugs Junmyeon tightly, crying against his shoulder. If it was anyone else than Sehun, he would push him away. And if he didn't smell, Junmyeon might even like it.

Jangmi starts driving them back home, but she's quick into guilting her sobbing son.

"Why were you at that place? Were you invited?"

"Y-y-yeah," Sehun whines and covers his face in Junmyeon's shoulder. "I-I-I thought he was my friend."

"Who did you think was your friend?"

"H-H-Hyuk. H-h-he always comes talk to m-me in the l-library..."

"Sehun..." Jangmi sighs and tries to hurry. Junmyeon is used to his big brother crying, and he's pretty used to Sehun crying already, too, but somehow the fact that Sehun might have been hurt by someone makes him slightly angry. Sehun calms him down by taking his hand in his and snuggling against him, making Junmyeon's heart skip a beat. This was what his father called 'stage two.' He puts his free arm around Sehun timidly and pats his back in an awkward manner, with a specific tempo. And, well, if he didn't smell and Junmyeon's heart wasn't having a health hazard, it would actually be nice.

Once they reach the house, Sehun has already passed out on Junmyeon. The latter would like to push him away now. Jangmi turns to them with her eyebrows furrowed.

"Could you stay the night, Junmyeon? Please?"

Junmyeon is immediately shaking his head. "No. I have to be home. My Friday is already ruined, I can't ruin it more by not going home and sleeping in my own bed."

Jangmi sighs deeply. "I have to go to my friend's wedding tomorrow. I don't have time to take care of Sehun. And Sejin is on a field trip the whole weekend. He can't come. Please, Junmyeon, I have nobody else."

"No. I can't. I'm sure Sehun would need his mother more than me in a situation like this. And he smells horrible. There is no way I'll be able to sleep in the same room with him."

"Well, what if Sehun came to your house? You have guest rooms, right? What are your Saturday routines?"

"My Saturday routines include waking up at seven, just like every day, having breakfast... and that breakfast has to include rye bread, a banana and an egg, otherwise I just cannot function... and then I read books, purely fictional and sci-fi usually, until we have lunch at 11am. Mother always makes lunch at this time in weekends, because it's the same time we have lunch at school, and the cuisine varies. Then I do my homework after lunch and then I do some research on various topics, whatever I want to do research on at the moment. Then I do it until I have a snack at 3pm, after which I play some games or watch movies. Either or. I do this for a few hours until having dinner at 6pm. After that I usually go to my usual 30-minute jog and after that I go to the shower. The rest of the evening I usually spend talking to Sehun on the phone... My routines did include more reading in the evening, but Sehun has changed it. Anyway, I have an evening snack at 10pm before brushing my teeth and going to bed." His monologue lasted so long that Jangmi almost fell asleep during it. Her eyes seem droopy.

"You don't have a lot of human contact in your routines. Well... Would you mind taking care of Sehun during your leisure day?" she asks with a glint of hope in her eyes. "Please, Junmyeon, I have nobody else to turn to. Except your mother... He would end up in the same place anyway."

Junmyeon sighs deeply and shakes his head before finally giving in. "Fine. But be quick."

She squeals, "I'm gonna get some of Sehun's stuff and then we can take him to your house."

***

In the morning Sehun wakes up in the unfamiliar room. Junmyeon is reading a book by the side of the bed but sometimes he's just staring at Sehun hugging both Nick Wilde and Judy Hopps simultaneously. It's a talent. Junmyeon has never slept with a plushie in his arms. In fact, he never sleeps with anything in his arms. It's just uncomfortable. He always lays on his right side, facing the wall.

Sehun flutters his eyes open and the first thing he does is burst into tears. He hugs his plushies tighter, pushing them against his chest when Junmyeon stands up and offers him a glass of water just sitting on the nightstand.

"You need to drink water," he says. "It will make you feel better. You're hungover. Luckily I have researched how to take care of someone who's hungover so stop crying before you end up dehydrated."

The younger one sniffles as he slowly tries to sit up but is incapable of doing so. Junmyeon puts the glass back down and helps Sehun sit up before helping him drink the water. He dries Sehun's tears with his hoodie's sleeves roughly. Sehun hugs his plushies again tight and falls back to lay in bed and cry some more before barfing on the floor right next to the bed.

"You're cleaning that up," Junmyeon says. He feels vomit come up his throat as well so he takes distance. He stands up and goes to the door but Sehun starts whining.

"Where are you going? Junmyeon, am I going to die?"

"Well, yes, but not today. I need to call my mother to clean your vomit so I can stay in the same room with you. This smell is unbearable," he says as he walks outside, tells his mother to come over and Hyunmi sighs deeply before getting to work. In the meantime Junmyeon can make Sehun some bread for breakfast and take it in bed. Hyunmi is already done by the time he's in the guestroom with a plate, two slices of rye bread and a glass of juice.

Hyunmi goes over to place a kiss on Junmyeon's head, much to the son's disliking.

"It's so sweet that you're taking care of him," she says before ruffling his hair, flashing him a smile and leaving the room. Junmyeon shakes his head before walking over to the crying Sehun.

"Eat this. And drink this. And stop crying. It's annoying."

Sehun doesn't even look at the nightstand where his breakfast is standing, just hides his face and sobs violently.

"I'm so disgusting," he says before putting his hands on his lap and looking at the floor. "I'm so ugly."

"You're not," Junmyeon replies immediately. He's observing Sehun and wondering what to do next, what to say next.

"Just look at me. Nobody's as ugly and stupid and disgusting and idiot as me."

"First of all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and if you ask me, you're beautiful. I'm one hundred percent sure there are more stupid and idiotic people in the world, since your IQ isn't  _ that _ low. Besides, children are stupid, but I guess intelligence is relative. And what comes to being disgusting, then you're slightly, at the moment, but only if you throw up again."

Sehun sniffles, "...You think I'm beautiful?"

"Yes," Junmyeon replies, his cheeks flushing a little, but he keeps his cool. "You should eat."

"It was Hyuk," Sehun says and covers his face again, crying in his palms. His voice is muffled and his words slightly hard to understand. Junmyeon squints his eyes.

"Who?"

"Hyuk visits me in the library. He told me we could be friends. He asked me if I wanted to come over to his place to party. So I went. He told me everybody would love to meet me. And at first it was fun... I drank some alcohol and... the others did too... until they started calling me dumb and retarded... they laughed at me..."

"Why did you trust Hyuk?" Junmyeon asks, bewildered. Sehun puts his hands down and takes his plushies in his hands to hug them tight.

"...He's so nice to me always... but he wasn't nice when he was drunk..." Junmyeon sighs deeply and sits beside Sehun on the bed, wiping his tears roughly again. He takes some tissues from the nightstand drawer and gives it to the younger one who blows his nose.

"You shouldn't have trusted him."

"...But he's always nice to me. He said we're friends..."

"He does not want to be friends with you!" Junmyeon huffs angrily and Sehun hides his face in his plushies. "He's not actually nice to you!"

"...But... B-b-but-"

"No. You're not seeing Hyuk anymore. Not once. He's taking advantage of you just to make himself and his friends laugh."

"But... I thought I was his friend..."

"He lied. People lie," Junmyeon says. At that moment he remembers when his brother first time said those words to him. Junseok was as pissed as Junmyeon is right now. There was a boy who always used Junmyeon in order to get the right answers for homework. He didn't realize that kid was lying to him, but at least Junmyeon didn't get emotionally attached to him and think he was his friend.

"...How do I know you're not lying?" Sehun asks and Junmyeon sighs deeply.

"Because we have been friends for over a year. We've spent so much time together. You've made me change my whole weekly routine. You're the only person outside my family who I actually enjoy spending time with. Usually," he confesses and that's when Sehun throws the plushies away and hugs him tight. Junmyeon wraps his arms timidly around Sehun's waist and feels his heart beating much faster again. He would like to push Sehun away because he smells bad, but at the same time he really likes it when Sehun is close. For some reason. Maybe it is the fact that he loves Sehun. Then he remembers the second stage.

"Can we be friends forever?"

"No. We will die and there's no life after death."

"...I believe in ghosts... Sometimes I sleep next to Mommy because there's one in my room..."

"No, ghosts don't-" Junmyeon starts but closes his eyes and shuts himself up, grabbing Sehun's waist tighter. "Whatever."

***

It's Friday evening again. It's already winter, almost Christmas. Sehun has been transferred to another class a few months ago and he's doing okay, but it's challenging him greatly. He was transferred to a brand new program that is for less severely disabled teenagers, a program that is specifically meant for a small class of mildly intellectually disabled teenagers, but he's still not able to attend normal high school classes. He's very exhausted and lays a lot in bed, contemplating life and trying to avoid his responsibilities. At the same time he's very glad that he doesn't need to spend any more time in the classroom that, in Junmyeon's opinion, looks like kindergarten. He has taken all the art and PE classes he could (which are not only for special needs students) and his teachers praise him. He wants to think they do it because he's actually good and not because they know he's intellectually disabled.

Tomorrow come the results for an art contest he participated in. It's nationwide and the theme was love. Sehun drew a picture of two boys holding hands with a bunny and a fox running around their feet in his own cartoonish yet classy way. The two boys sit on the bed in Sehun's bedroom. When he showed it to his art teacher with Junmyeon, the man squinted his eyes and looked at Sehun from head to toes. Sejin had told Sehun before that maybe he should have drawn something else. To their surprise, the art teacher started praising it before asking Sehun for the interpretation. Sehun simply explained that that was him and his best friend Junmyeon and those are his plushies Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde. That is when the art teacher laughed and neither of the boys understood why.

Now Junmyeon and Sehun are watching a kids' movie from Sehun's TV. Sehun loves Disney and DreamWorks movies, so that's what they usually watch. He's hugging Judy Hopps and Junmyeon just stares at the screen. They're sitting on Sehun's bed, the younger laying against the wall with his legs spread open on the bed and eyes glued to the screen. Junmyeon is sitting up straight, like he had a stick up his ass. He looks very uncomfortable.

"Last night I was thinking," Junmyeon starts while still staring at the screen. Sehun is completely dazed by the movie. "That I love you."

That is when Sehun's eyes fly open, he turns to look at Junmyeon who doesn't even budge to see him and his reaction. Sehun starts giggling, he takes both Nick and Judy in his hands and hugs the living daylights out of them. Because he keeps noise and distracts Junmyeon from the movie, he turns to look at the younger one who's laying on his side and giggling with a red face.

Junmyeon gives up with the movie and pauses it.

"Stop laughing. I'm trying to watch this," he says but Sehun cannot hold in his joy.

"You love me," he says. Junmyeon blinks a few times slowly.

"Yes." Sehun throws his plushies away, sits up and hugs Junmyeon tightly, almost laying in his lap. Junmyeon takes him in his arms as well, feeling his heartbeat pick up the pace and his face burn.

"I love you too," Sehun chuckles and presses himself as close to Junmyeon as he can before pulling him down on the bed with him, so they both lay on their sides, facing each other. Junmyeon tries to grasp what's going on, but Sehun keeps snuggling closer to his chest. When Sehun looks up at him, he giggles, "You're smiling."

"Am I?" he asks and tries his own face. He is smiling. He rarely does that.

"Yes!" Sehun exhilarates before pushing his face back against Junmyeon's chest. Junmyeon has seen him cuddle with his big brother and can confirm that this is how he always cuddles with him... excluding all the giggles. "What do you love about me, Junmyeon?"

"...I love it that you're not like the others. You're honest. You don't hold any deeper meanings behind your words. You're cute." Sehun calms down a little with all that giggling and snuggles tighter, still smiling like crazy. "And I feel like I need to protect you."

"You don't need to protect me! I can take care of myself," Sehun says with that dumb smile. "I love it that I can always trust that your words are true. Because you're not like Mommy and hyung, you don't say I'm not dumb and think I'm dumb. You just don't say I'm dumb even though you know I am. And... you're cute, too."

Junmyeon starts patting Sehun's head awkwardly and mechanically.

"Should this become a part of our routines?" Junmyeon suggests.

"What?" Sehun asks as he raises his head in a second, his expression immediately changed to confused, lips slightly parted, eyes big.

"Cuddling," Junmyeon says and thinks about how long should cuddling last. Is an hour too long and is fifteen minutes too short?

Sehun starts nodding quickly, making his hair all messy in the process.

"How long?" Junmyeon asks.

"At least like a lot," Sehun replies but Junmyeon huffs.

"A lot is not a proper unit of time." The younger one looks up at him with big eyes. But soon he just smiles and chuckles it off, pretending that he understood what Junmyeon said even though the other one knows he didn't. "How about half an hour?"

"That's not enough," Sehun pouts.

"What is enough?"

"All day!" Sehun exclaims. Junmyeon rolls his eyes.

"Not all day. Half an hour. At 6pm. Every Friday night."

Sehun keeps pouting. "I wanna sleep with you."

"Sleep with me?" Junmyeon asks and squints his eyes when Sehun nods again with that adorable pout on his lips.

"We could cuddle all night and fall asleep together."

"Oh. Not gonna happen. Take it or leave it."

Sehun rolls his eyes, but he has to accept Junmyeon's offer. After all, Mommy and hyung told him to care about Junmyeon's feelings too.

***

One day Junmyeon is just sitting on his bed and reading something when he hears the doorbell ring. His mother told him that his cousin would visit them tonight.

If Junmyeon is weird, then Minseok is from a whole other planet. When Junmyeon stands in front of him, Minseok doesn't even look him in the eye. In fact, his head is not even facing Junmyeon's direction. Minseok never even learned how to talk, and he doesn't understand it when people call out his name. When someone touches him, he looks at the body part on his own body and simply waits for the other person to put it away.

Being around him makes Junmyeon irritated. He grits his teeth and fidgets with his sleeves as he watches his slightly older cousin examine the living room - the living room that Junmyeon just cleaned earlier today. He has to keep everything in order, and somehow his order is different than Minseok's - the slightly older starts organizing the books by size, whereas Junmyeon likes to keep them organized by the alphabet.

It just makes sense. Minseok doesn't seem to have a sense. He understands, and loves, numbers, but somehow words and letters are completely alien to him.

"How have you been, Hyunmi?" Minseok's mother asks. The woman smiles and takes a better position, eyeing her own son who keeps glaring at Minseok, visibly fuming. The only reason he came downstairs to 'keep company' was to keep an eye on Minseok, so he wouldn't do anything stupid. Of course it doesn't take longer than five minutes for the cousin to do something absolutely mind-boggling. 

"Been better. The boys are doing fine, but I myself am having so much trouble with Jaehwa... He's been so distant lately," Hyunmi sighs and shakes her head. The other woman looks at her sadly. "Anyway. What about you, Sohyun?"

"Jaeyoung and I have been feeling kind of distant lately, too. But I guess you couldn't imagine the marriage to be easy," Sohyun sighs. Junmyeon now gets up, takes Minseok's hand in his and drops the books.

"Junmyeon- let Minseok be," Hyunmi huffs. Junmyeon shakes his head vigorously whereas Minseok just stares at his own hand that is held in place by his cousin.

"No! He's putting them in the wrong order! I just organized them!" Junmyeon yells. His face is getting red and he moves his hands in the air erratically. Hyunmi stands up immediately and grabs his son's both hands, but Junmyeon keeps pushing her away. He's 17 already, he's stronger than his mother.

Hyunmi falls back a bit, now visibly angry as she raises her finger.

"Go to your room!" she tells him but he shakes his head.

"How am I supposed to stand idle in my room when I know this monster is out here, completely ruining the organized bookshelf that I spent a lot of time and effort on?! I can't let him do it! He drives me crazy by just existing in the same house!" Junmyeon defends himself and when he's done being dramatic by words, he punches Minseok right in his face.

And Minseok starts screaming very, very loud. He sits down on the ground and starts flailing his hands in the air, screaming like a baby, with tears in his eyes. Sohyun runs up to him and starts soothing him, but it doesn't seem to work. Minseok simply doesn't understand human contact despite his mother's great efforts.

Hyunmi is beyond angry when her son just turns around and starts organizing the books by the alphabet. She grabs his collar and turns him around, but he almost punches her as well.

"Junseok! Could you come down here?!" she yells and it doesn't take long for the big brother to walk into the living room to see the chaos - and it doesn't take long for him to understand what to do. He grabs Junmyeon's hand and the little brother hits him on the back violently, but he doesn't even budge. He's determined in taking Junmyeon into his room.

"The books, hyung! The books!" Junmyeon yells with tears of frustration and anger in his eyes. His whole face is red and his forehead almost starts cramping from keeping his eyebrows furrowed all the time.

Junseok drags Junmyeon up into his room, throws the door close and waits for Junmyeon to sit down. Junmyeon just stands there, heaving heavily, arms crossed on his chest. You could see smoke coming from his ears.

When Junmyeon seems unable to calm down, Junseok just grabs his arms and forces him to sit down on his bed despite the little brother's efforts in breaking free.

"Junmyeon... You're much more intelligent than Minseok. Let it show. You're 17 already, you can't just go around punching people. You'll be graduating soon and applying to university. You're maturing. Be mature."

"But... But he..." For once in his life Junmyeon is not ready to reply back. His mind is filled with rage. Minseok always brings out the worst in him and he hates his cousin from the bottom of his heart. He doesn't even understand anything and it makes Junmyeon so frustrated.

"He does not understand spoken words, Junmyeon. He does not understand why you punched him in the face. It's time for you to grow up and stop throwing tantrums over little things like that."

"But it's not a little thing! It just makes no sense, who organizes books by size?!" Junmyeon kicks his feet in the air, almost kicking his big brother.

Junseok gets a little closer to his face and says with a low voice, "Sehun organizes books by size."

And that's all it takes to make an angry Junmyeon into a worried Junmyeon. He grabs his phone and immediately calls Sehun to make sure that he does  **not** organize books by size. Junseok smiles mischievously, chuckles lightly to himself and walks out the room, locking it from the outside for the duration of Minseok and Sohyun's visit.

The phone beeps a few times until Sehun replies,  _ "Hi,"  _ with a sweet voice that immediately makes Junmyeon a little less stressed. But then he remembers the books.

"Junseok said you organize books by size, is that true?"

For a while there is silence and Junmyeon's frustration grows.

_ "...What...?"  _ Sehun replies with a genuinely confused voice.

"How do you organize your books?" Junmyeon tries to make the question less confusing. Sehun is silent for a while again before replying.

_ "I don't... I don't organize my books... Hyung and Mommy do it..." _

"How do they organize them?" Junmyeon keeps biting his nails in anticipation. He can hear Sehun moving to a different spot over the phone. He starts reading out the books' names and authors and Junmyeon lets out a relieved sigh. They're all children's books, but since Junmyeon insisted, they're not just picture books anymore. Jangmi agreed with Junmyeon that maybe he is too old for just picture books, but an occasional picture every here and there along with a lot of text is a good upgrade. Especially if he wants to go to normal classes... which seems like a distant dream.

_ "Junmyeon..." _

"What?"

_ "You... you organized these last time..." _

Now Junmyeon won't know before he comes over to Sehun's house and asks Jangmi and Sejin personally how they organize Sehun's books. And all the other books in the house. It just makes sense to organize them by alphabet! 

He ends the call without even saying bye, and then he remembers that he was supposed to say bye - his mother taught him to do that, and now it's a routine. Junmyeon is so worked up that he has to call Sehun back, explain himself and then say bye. And no, Sehun does not understand it. He's too exhausted about school to even try.

He stands up and tries to get out of his room, but of course. Junseok has locked it. He starts banging the door but only hears his brother's evil laughter.

"Hyung! Open this door! I must immediately go visit Jangmi and Sejin and ask how they organize their books!"

_ "Just let it go, little brother. You'll visit Sehun this Friday. You can ask them then." _

Junmyeon sits down against the door and starts counting his fingers vigorously.

***

Junmyeon did get some closure. He found out that Sejin and Jangmi do indeed order their books by alphabet. It made it easier for Junmyeon to sleep at night.

Now Sehun and Junmyeon are in Sehun's room again, it's Friday, they're alone again, but Sejin is going to come home soon. Junmyeon doesn't mind Sejin being in the same house with them, it's just that he would prefer not having any interruptions. Especially now that they've been laying in bed together for about fifteen minutes and Junmyeon's heart is beating out of his chest. He keeps staring at Sehun whose eyes are closed, the corners of his mouth raised slightly upwards. He's so emotional about everything. Joy, anger, sadness, fear, horror... The only emotion Junmyeon knows how to express coherently is anger.

Junmyeon used to hate this. Laying in bed, doing nothing. Now staring at Sehun and just adoring his beauty has become an activity as interesting as reading fiction, even science, as intense as jogging for 30 minutes. He loves to  _ observe  _ him, and not only him, Sehun has taught him the art of observing the world around him. He finds it hard to relate to other people, but he's finally learned how to look at the surrounding world.

That's another point that he's going to tell the neurologist that falsely diagnosed him.

He raises his hand to caress Sehun's cheek and the younger one's eyes flutter open. He looks at both Junmyeon's eyes alternatively as he hugs Judy Hopps in his arms.

"How was your day?" Junmyeon asks. He's been trying to learn this communication with Sehun for almost two years now. He's actually interested in Sehun as a person, so it isn't that hard to listen to him... except when he makes no sense.

"Good. I'm just tired. How was your day?"

"Horrible. My class is full of idiots, even if they are all older than me. And... I'm graduating soon. It makes me nervous for some reason. Applying to university and having to attend this graduation ceremony. I don't understand what for. What's so great about graduating that we have to celebrate it? Maybe the others had to do more work, in which case I kind of understand it, but me? I hardly did anything. Though, one could argue that going to school and just bearing other people is an achievement on its own."

Sehun blinks a few times tiredly. Junmyeon sighs deeply and realizes that Sehun did not understand a word he said.

"My day was bad."

"It's okay to have bad days..." Sehun says before his eyelids shut again. Junmyeon sighs and takes out a book from Sehun's nightstand. He took it here specifically so he could read - sure it's not one of his routines, but he just  _ needs _ to read this book. "You always do that."

"Do what?" Junmyeon asks. He's laying on his stomach, holding the book before his eyes. He hates the position, it's uncomfortable to his neck and makes his shoulders stiff.

"You just eat, sleep, drink, shower, study and read... Next day, the same... You always... do that..."

"So what? I like reading," Junmyeon immediately becomes defensive. Sehun smiles a little.

"I love it."

"I love you," Junmyeon blurts out and that makes Sehun smile more. He gets a little closer to the older one and cracks his eyes slightly open to see Junmyeon staring at him. "I have a request."

Sehun doesn't reply, just waits for Junmyeon to present his request.

"Would you like to be kissed by me?" he asks and Sehun closes his eyes, smiles wider and lets out a breath. He's too tired to even giggle.

"Yes."

Junmyeon's heart picks up the pace as he leans closer to Sehun's face, not even sure if Sehun's even awake anymore. But it doesn't matter, he already said yes so there's no backing off now.

Junmyeon is startled when their noses touch each other. He's never had his face this near another person's face. He can feel Sehun's soft breath on his skin. He can feel his heart throbbing in his head. His palms get sweaty as he grabs Sehun's waist and finally presses their lips together, very gently, very innocently.

He doesn't know what he's doing. Sehun doesn't know what he's doing. But Sehun does something that could replicate kissing back. One thing that mesmerizes Junmyeon the most is how natural it feels... and how soft Sehun's lips feel... and how good he tastes. How his hot breath lands on his face. How his body feels natural pressed against him.

He pulls away and just looks at Sehun's calm, now completely red face for a while before the younger one hides his burning face behind his plushie. Junmyeon stares at him for a while before leaning over him to take his notebook and a pen from Sehun's nightstand. Of course he keeps it there in case something urgent comes up. Like this.

He has come to base 3 with Sehun, and he still has no idea when to ask him to be his boyfriend.

Those big questions don't have to be answered yet. He just writes down his notes.

"What are you doing?" Sehun asks when he hears Junmyeon doing something other than reading. He's also too tired to even open his eyes.

"I'm writing down what our kiss was like. And how your lips tasted."

"What was it like?"

"It was nothing like I imagined."

"What did you imagine?"

"I imagined it to feel different. I don't know. But I'm writing it down in detail."

"Why are you writing it?"

"Because I need to remember it accurately forever."

Sehun smiles sweetly and lowers Judy from his face, squishing her between him and Junmyeon when he drapes his hand over the older one and hides his face on his side. Junmyeon doesn't know what to do about that.

"Can I kiss your head? For experimental purposes."

"Yes." And so he does. And writes down that maybe he shouldn't do that. It is not nice and he did not really understand what he was expecting. "Junmyeon."

"What."

"I love you." With those words he just dozes off, pressed tight against Junmyeon and Judy Hopps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is currently a little past midnight and I literally just finished writing this chapter and I have work tomorrow but whatever I hope you're having a good day and if not I hope it gets better and if not then that sucks, and I hope you like this chapter. I honestly did not expect for it to take me two months to update, but now that I think about it, I hope that writing the next chapter won't take me any longer than two months either. Cheers.
> 
> Also sorry it isn't 10k words but I hope 8k is enough.


	3. Seventeen.

Sehun's 17th birthday party is held tonight and this time, finally, Junmyeon knows what to give him as a present. Usually people don't appreciate Junmyeon's gifts and usually he doesn't even know what to buy, and he thinks most things people want as a gift are worthless anyway, but now he knows. This time he knows that Sehun is going to like it.

Hyunmi is driving her and her sons to her best friend's house. To Junseok's best friend's house. To Junmyeon's best friend's house.

"I still don't understand why you applied to med school," Hyunmi says with a worried tone in her voice and furrowed eyebrows. "You worked so hard for physics and math."

"Because, Mother, I didn't actually work so hard for physics and math, in case you didn't happen to notice. I want to study people. It's way more challenging and rewarding," Junmyeon explains himself but it doesn't warm the mother.

"What if you don't get in?"

"Then I'll try again next year."

"What will you do this year, then?"

"Study," Junmyeon replies shortly, which is unusual for him. He's so nervous about Sehun receiving his present that it's hard to come up with replies. Besides, Sehun told him that he's going to invite his new friend over, too. Supposedly this guy is from his special education class, also mildly intellectually disabled.

The mother drives to the parking lot and makes her way to the door. The sun is shining and the weather is clear and unusually hot for April. Junmyeon would like to complain about the climate change to relieve his nerves. 

Jangmi opens the door, hugs her friend and invites them in. They all walk in to sit at the table where Sehun is playing with another boy as tall as him. The boy's eyes are wide and his ears look perky, the look on his face as innocent as Sehun's. Together they slap their thighs, then they slap their hands together, then Sehun slaps both the boy's hands and then he slaps either of the hands one at a time. And then back to slapping their thighs. They start going quicker and quicker before erupting in laughter, giving up altogether.

Junmyeon just stares at them. For some reason he feels something weird in his stomach. His chest feels like it's sinking when he sees Sehun having fun with someone else, someone new, someone who's a complete stranger to Junmyeon. Who knows if the boy takes him away from him?

Sehun didn't seem to notice them before and looks like he just snaps back to reality.

"Junmyeon, this is my friend Chanyeol. He's in the same class." He doesn't even bother introducing Chanyeol to the others. The boy looks at everyone with big eyes, noticing how he's the center of attention. He seems to like it.

"I am Sehun's best friend," Chanyeol announces, looking at Junmyeon deep in the eye. Junmyeon immediately grunts and Sehun grasps Chanyeol's shoulders, forcing him to make eye contact.

"Chanyeol, we talked about this. Junmyeon is my best friend," Sehun explains. "He's been my best friend for two years."

"Well, I'm your best friend now."

Junmyeon storms off the scene, leaving the rest of them baffled. He makes his way to the living room, sits on the couch and crosses his arms on his chest. He sighs deeply. How dare this new guy just steal Sehun away from him now? He's been Sehun's best and only friend since the day at the beach, when they declared each other their best friends. 

Sehun walks into the living room with an apologetic look on his face while Chanyeol's mother in the kitchen is giving him a talking to. Sehun smiles a little as he walks to Junmyeon, sits next to him and just fiddles with his sleeves. Junmyeon grunts and looks away.

"You're my best friend, not Chanyeol," Sehun explains to his friend who's still staring out the window at the small backyard and the suburban area behind it.

"You should tell that to him!" Junmyeon yells and sits upright. Sehun furrows his eyebrows and scratches his head.

"I have told him that," he says. 

"He clearly hasn't understood."

"...Yeah..."

Just then Chanyeol comes into the living room crying while rubbing his eyes. He looks so upset that Sehun is scared to even say anything. Junmyeon doesn't feel bad about his attention-seeking cries, however.

"What are you wailing about?" he asks with a mean tone in his voice. Chanyeol just stands there sniffling before lowering his hands and looking at Sehun and Junmyeon alternatively.

"Junmyeon can't be your best friend, he's mean!"

"No, he's not!" Sehun immediately defends his best friend. "You just don't understand him!" Chanyeol stomps his feet on the floor.

"Why do I have to understand him when he's not understanding me?" he says when scrunching his nose. Sehun looks baffled, shaking his head and raising his hands.

"Who told you to understand Junmyeon?"

"Mommy did!"

"I don't need your understanding," Junmyeon chimes in. "In fact, I don't want to know you at all." Chanyeol starts crying louder.

"I'm gonna tell on you!"

"To who?" Junmyeon raises his eyebrow as he puts his glasses a bit better. 

"To... to... to your mommy!"

"I don't think that my mother cares," Junmyeon says but as he says that, three worried mothers walk into the room. Hyunmi is looking at her son with fury in her eyes as she has her hands on her hips. She's tapping her foot on the floor. Jangmi's eyebrows are furrowed as she looks at her son who's shaking his shoulders, signaling her that he has no idea what's going on. Chanyeol's mother is leading her son onto a free couch and telling him that he has to respect Sehun's choice.

"That's where you're very wrong, Junmyeon," Hyunmi says as she walks up to her son. "You can't talk to Chanyeol like that. We have discussed this many, many times before. You have to grow up and start respecting other people. Your father learned how to, you will learn, too. Apologize to Chanyeol immediately."

Junmyeon looks at his mother with disbelief. He even stands up and starts flailing his hands in the air again.

"Apologize? For what? I didn't do anything! I just said I don't want to know him! He's the one who should apologize, he's trying to take Sehun away from me!"

"You don't own Sehun!" Hyunmi yells back. Now the big brothers come into the room too. Sehun is biting his fingers as he stares at Junmyeon and his mother fight. "He won't take Sehun away from you. You're still best friends even if you're not Sehun's only friend."

"Excuse us," Sejin chimes in, "but we're Sehun's friends too."

"But Sehun is my best friend!" Chanyeol cries. "I want to be his best friend too!"

Sehun doesn't know what to do anymore so he just starts scratching his head and scrunching his face like he was in pain, tears starting to form in his eyes. It's the same face he makes when trying to solve a math problem that's a tad bit too hard. 

"...Stop fighting..." he sobs when his mother comes to comfort him, hugging him tight.

"Honey, you have to respect Sehun's choice. If he has decided that Junmyeon is his best friend, then Junmyeon is his best friend. Sehun can be your best friend even if you weren't his, and it doesn't make your friendship any worse," Chanyeol's mother tries to console the crying boy. She hugs him when he hides his face again, sobbing in his hands. Junmyeon notes that he has never seen a woman that big. She's not fat, she's just tall and her body looks very strong.

Junseok takes the lead in trying to talk some sense into his brother. "Junmyeon, you have to apologize to Chanyeol. You made him feel very sad by yelling at him."

"Chanyeol should apologize to me! He's the one trying to take Sehun from me," Junmyeon huffs when sitting back on the couch with his arms and legs crossed. Junseok leans closer to him and Hyunmi thanks him inaudibly for stepping in.

"You don't own Sehun. He can have other friends. Grow up. You know, maybe it's good that he has some other friends other than you. Don't you want him to be happy? Don't be so selfish. You want what's best for Sehun, after all, don't you?" Junseok says and Junmyeon looks at the ground before nodding in defeat. The big brother leans closer to him to whisper so that no one else can hear, "You'll die from jealousy before you ever get to make him your boyfriend."

"You... you can't die from jealousy. It's impossible. You can't die from feelings. Unless... well... you have an emotional breakdown and do something that you probably deserve, but that's not exactly dying from a feeling," Junmyeon goes on a tangent out loud. Fortunately only his mother and brother are listening.

"You have to accept that you're autistic, Junmyeon. Not as much as Dad, but still, you are." Junmyeon keeps shaking his head to his brother's statement. "Well, if you stopped denying it, maybe you wouldn't always have to apologize for your behavior... you could just say you're autistic and people would automatically forgive you..." Junseok tries to make Junmyeon confess, to accept himself but Junmyeon keeps shaking his head so much that it makes him dizzy. "Fine. But then you have to apologize to Chanyeol."

"But I-" Junmyeon huffs, but is interrupted by his brother's hand on his mouth. The big brother drags him up and sit beside Chanyeol on the other couch. Junmyeon is visibly fuming as he grits his teeth, everyone in the room looking at him expectantly. "I... I... I... guess I'm... sorry... for an unknown reason, cause this really wasn't my choice."

Junseok glares at his little brother and kicks his shin, making Junmyeon jump up and shake his fist to his brother. 

"I... guess it's better than nothing?" Hyunmi asks while scratching her head. It doesn't seem to be enough for Chanyeol. Nothing seems to be enough for Chanyeol. He just keeps crying until Sehun shoos Junmyeon away, sits beside his new friend and starts rubbing his back calmly. 

Sehun has a magic touch on everyone. It makes Junmyeon so furious. He storms off, into Sehun's room, his present in hand. Now he hasn't even had time to give it to him because of that Chanyeol guy who's just trying to take him away from Junmyeon!

But Chanyeol doesn't know about the way Junmyeon and Sehun feel about each other - unless Sehun has told him? Unless Chanyeol feels the same way about Sehun? What if Sehun starts liking Chanyeol back because, let's be real, they have way more things in common. Junmyeon has twice the IQ Sehun has, he is always angry and rarely shows any other emotion, he reads all the time and is about to go to university. Maybe he shouldn't love Sehun. Sehun's emotional, always trying to find something positive about life even though his self-esteem is lower than zero, he likes cartoons and stuffed animals, art is his passion and he nails sports, he's in special education class until he's 19 or 20. 

That's what he's thinking about as he's sitting in Sehun's room, on his bed. The room smells like Sehun and the scent makes memories rush into Junmyeon's mind. The time they first met, the first time they were alone together, the first time they cuddled, the time they said they love each other, the time they first kissed. All the times they've spent in each other's arms, all the time they've spent talking to each other.

Maybe Junmyeon isn't enough for him? Maybe he likes him just because he's lonely?

Junmyeon sighs deeply, puts the present next to him and puts his head in his hands, leaning against his knees while staring at the wall. Him and Sehun are complete opposites, what could make their relationship work?

Junmyeon has spent a lot of his free time thinking about Sehun for the last two years. If he's not thinking about how perfect he is, how beautiful and cute he is, he's thinking about the bad things about Sehun that irritate him. Like the fact that Sehun hardly ever understands the first time Junmyeon explains something. He has to say things twice often. The fact that Sehun fails to realize how beautiful he is also irritates Junmyeon. He has told Sehun how amazing he is very aggressively more than once.

Other than that, Junmyeon doesn't have a lot to complain about Sehun. It's just little things and it doesn't matter that much to Junmyeon - he loves Sehun anyway. Sure he might not be perfect, but Junmyeon doesn't mind.

Just then Sehun walks into the room. He has only a black tank top and light blue jean shorts on him. Junmyeon just glances at him.

"You look pretty. In case I didn't say it already today. In case I haven't said it in a while. Do I say it too often? I know you've said you trust that I always speak the truth, but what if I've said it too much and you don't believe me anymore, just like you don't believe your mother and Sejin when they tell you you're not dumb-" Junmyeon goes on a tangent before looking on his right to see Sehun sitting beside him with a calm look on his face and his hands on his lap. His black, silky hair is falling on his face. "I just think you're beautiful."

Sehun smiles a little before getting a little closer, taking Junmyeon's hand in his. He starts playing with his fingers.

"Chanyeol likes Zootopia. We always play games together. But he never sits down... He never lays in bed with me... We never talk about important things... And I... don't love him like I love you..." Sehun says, making Junmyeon bat his eyes innocently as he looks at Sehun's soft smile. He would die for that smile. He would kill for that smile. "So... don't ever think that Chanyeol is my best friend. Cause he won't."

"...Okay." Sehun turns his head to him and he keeps staring at his eyes. "Can I kiss you?"

Sehun smiles sweetly before nodding. Junmyeon leans closer and gives him a peck on the lips, counting in his head that the kiss lasted about five seconds and this was their 9th kiss. Junmyeon has kept log.

Sehun's magic touch works, like always, making Junmyeon calm down immediately. He takes the present from his side and offers it to Sehun who pretends to be surprised and fails at it miserably. He laughs it off though.

He opens the package to unravel a thick A4 sketchbook with a rainbow-colored cover with Moomin characters on it and a wide range of coloring pencils that Junmyeon made his mother order online. They were expensive, but Hyunmi complied after Junmyeon's convincing persuasion about a professional artist needing professional tools.

The birthday boy hugs them tight and then practically jumps on Junmyeon, tackling him on the bed. Junmyeon hits his head on the pillow and holds the younger boy's small frame, his black fluffy hair tickling the side of Junmyeon's head as he has buried himself in Junmyeon's neck, their chests pressed against each other tightly. Junmyeon's feet dangle off the edge while Sehun is stretched out on the bed.

Then they just lay there. In silence. Everyone else is downstairs.

Junmyeon's heart beats a little faster as he strokes Sehun's back, smells his scent, assurance and comfort seeping through his body. And for a moment the world stops.

***

Sehun and Junmyeon come back to Sehun's home from school together. They held their hands together for all the time they walked just because Sehun wanted to. Junmyeon tried to say no, his hands were sweaty and the humid weather did not make it better, but Sehun was too adorable. Junmyeon hated it, but Sehun loved it.

At the Oh residence Junmyeon makes them something to eat. Junmyeon loves his rye bread, so of course Jangmi has bought loads of it just for his son's best friend who's watching over him every Friday night. Since Junmyeon has been watching over Sehun, Sejin has gotten an excuse to spend Fridays at the library studying or at student parties.

Sehun doesn't hate the rye bread, but he wants to have some yogurt. The two sit at the table and Junmyeon just stares at Sehun scooping his yogurt. He spills it all over and the older one has to clean up the mess, as always. Sehun just smiles at him widely every time.

After having a snack, they go to the living room in order to watch yet another movie. It's a habit of theirs. Sehun seems to love children's movies and Junmyeon doesn't hate them. They're easy to follow, but some of the content is just downright stupid. 

He did like Zootopia and doesn't mind the fact that Sehun wants to rewatch it every once in a while.

Instead of opening Netflix, Sehun just sits down on the couch and fiddles with his sleeves. His face is heating up and he keeps opening and closing his mouth, as if he had something to say.

"Why are you doing that?" Junmyeon asks. Sehun takes a few breaths before raising his head and looking at him straight in the eye. Junmyeon does not have a problem with eye contact - he just doesn't like it very much. Somehow it's not as bad with Sehun.

"...Do... what...?"

"Opening and closing your mouth and fiddling with your sleeves."

"...Because... I'm... nervous..."

"Why? Nothing in this situation is to be nervous about."

"But... I..." Sehun looks down at the ground again. It looks like he's breaking a sweat. "...Need to... ask you... something..."

"What is it?" Junmyeon asks, but he cannot hide it that Sehun makes him nervous with his attitude.

"I... we... do you..."

"Just spit it out already," Junmyeon huffs when Sehun is taking eternity.

"...Would you... want to... be..." he continues his question as his face becomes redder and redder. He's now raising his head a little in Junmyeon's direction. "My..."

Just then the doorbell rings. Sehun gasps audibly before starting to smack himself lightly. Junmyeon sighs deeply before standing up, walking to the door and opening it. Behind it stands a tall man with black, tangled hair, a patchy beard and worn eyes. His eyes are a little red. He has a dress shirt on and some dress pants as well. He's also wearing a fancy-looking coat.

"Your face does not suit your attire," Junmyeon comments immediately and the man lets out a laughter. He does not look happy, just slightly irritated. He has what people call 'a resting bitch face.'

"And who might you be?" he asks politely.

"Kim Junmyeon. Why are you here?"

"I'm looking for my wife."

Sehun finally walks out the living room to see who is at the door. 

But when he sees the man, his face pales. His eyes widen and his lips turn into a thin line. His body starts visibly shaking.

"You're mistaken. It's impossible that your wife is here, since the only woman in this household is Jangmi, and she is not married to anyone at the moment."

The man invites himself in, pushing Junmyeon slightly aside successfully annoying him, and opens his arms wide as he walks towards Sehun. The younger one is immobilized as he watches the man approach him.

"Aren't you going to say anything to your daddy?" Now that Junmyeon thinks about it, they do look alike. The old man takes Sehun into a tight hug and the boy keeps holding his hands against his chest, tears finally rushing down his face. 

"D-d-d-daddy-" Sehun says with a shaky voice and Junmyeon is ready to fight this so-called daddy. He does remember Jangmi, Sejin and Sehun never wanting to talk about the father, Jangmi specifically telling Junmyeon not to ask and Sehun not to answer.

"Stop that. You're making him uneasy," Junmyeon says to which the old man raises an eyebrow. He turns to Junmyeon and lets go of his son. Sehun covers his face with his hands and starts sobbing before running into the living room and calling his mother and big brother.

"He's my son. I can do what I want with him," the old man defends himself but Junmyeon stands his ground, not even blinking an eye.

"Actually, you can't. For example, you can't kill him, that would be illegal. Or, I guess you can, but you would go to prison for that." The old man starts laughing out loud.

"Who even are you?"

"Kim Junmyeon. I told you that already." The old man rolls his eyes and furrows his eyebrows.

"What are you to my son?"

"I'm Sehun's best friend." The old man raises his eyebrows and makes a humming sound, looking at Junmyeon from head to toe.

"I can't believe it. Sehun has a friend..." he laughs. Junmyeon doesn't understand what's funny. Then the old man turns and goes into the living room where Sehun is sitting on the couch, hugging himself in the corner of the couch.

Junmyeon is not good at reading other people's emotions, no, but it doesn't take him a lot of effort to understand that Sehun is scared.

The old man walks up to Sehun and sits beside him on the couch. Sehun hides his face deeper into his knees as the man starts rubbing his back.

"Where's Jangmi?"

"...I-I-I c-c-called her..."

"Good. Good boy, Sehun." He pats his head. "Are you this scared of me?" His voice doesn't sound concerned. Junmyeon is ready to pick a fight with him. The way he talks to Sehun is irritating the other boy. 

"Leave him alone." The old man looks up at Junmyeon who's just standing before them.

"No. He's my son."

"That's not an excuse. Stop being repetitive, you're annoying." The man squints and now stands up right before Junmyeon. He's intimidating since he's a head taller than the boy who does not understand to be scared.

"Are you retarded, too?" the man asks as he lands his hand on Junmyeon's shoulder, successfully annoying him further. He pushes the man's hand away immediately.

"Retarded is a derogative term that is no longer used. You should refrain from using it. And no, I am not intellectually challenged, in fact, I am very capable when it comes to intelligence."

"You're just using big words. It makes you look like an idiot. Stop it."

"No, it doesn't. You can't look like an idiot by just saying words. Looking indicates to something visual, and speaking is not visual." The man is seemingly furious at Junmyeon, but the feelings are mutual. Junmyeon is ready to take this guy.

To their relief, the front door is opened and two people run into the living room. Sehun jumps up from the couch straight into his brother's arms and Sejin hugs him tight. He pats his head and tells him everything's alright while Sehun wails loudly.

Jangmi stomps to her ex, raising her finger and her voice immediately. "Get the hell out of my house! Now!"

"Jangmi... I've changed-"

"Just because you show up at my door dressed nicely doesn't mean you've changed! The last time I fell for it but not this time! Get the hell out! You have no right to be here and if you don't leave I'm calling the police, like I should have years ago!"

The old man walks towards Jangmi with open arms but she walks away from him. He looks pained.

"Don't test me, Yongsoo."

"But I've changed. I have a steady job, finally, and I don't drink anymore. I got help on that. I go to therapy..."

"You should've done all those things over a decade ago. What you did to us is not something I could just forgive and forget. I thought I loved you when you were just here drinking and watching TV while I worked my ass off. I don't need a reminder of what you did," Jangmi says with a shaky voice. Her eyes are red and glossy. "And nothing in this world could ever make me forgive you."

"Just leave," Sejin says. He's hugging Sehun tightly, caressing his hair. He has a very menacing glare on his face. "Or I'll make you."

When Yongsoo walks towards his sons despite his ex wife standing in the middle, Sejin lets go of his little brother and walks up to his father. He grabs his collar and pushes him against the wall, making Yongsoo gasp.

"I meant the words I said seven years ago. You're pathetic. I'll kill you if you ever touch him again." Yongsoo glares at his son.

"I came here begging for forgiveness, but if you're not willing to give it to me, then you're just bad people. I'm pouring my heart out over here-" Those are the only words Sejin has to hear before he punches his father straight in his face, successfully knocking him out for a few seconds.

"Sejin! Stop it!" Jangmi grabs her son's arm and pulls his sleeve. Sejin's eyes are fixated on his father. He sees that the old man's eye is starting to swell and it just makes him smile a little. He grabs his father's collar and starts shaking the man.

"I wanted to kill you so bad. Every night I dreamed of it."

"Sejin that's enough-" Jangmi says when trying to pull him away from the delirious old man. "You're no better than him if you just beat an old man." Yongsoo looks like he's in his fifties. He looks much older than Jangmi.

"At least I didn't beat a child." Sejin sighs deeply, shakes his head and starts dragging his father to the door. He throws him out and starts screaming again. "If you ever show up here again, I'll fucking kill you!"

Then he just throws the door close and looks out the window to see his father gathering himself up, looking at the house with tears in his eyes before starting to drag his feet on the ground, walking away with the distant dream of winning his family back.

Junmyeon's ears ring after all that screaming. Somewhere along the fight Sehun came to sit on his lap to cry and whimper. He's hugging Junmyeon so tight it's hard for the older one to breathe. He's hugging Sehun too, drawing circles on his back mechanically. 

Jangmi and Sejin sit on either side of Junmyeon to calm down Sehun. She caresses his hair while Sejin has his arms crossed and he's staring into abyss. Junmyeon is beyond uncomfortable. Sitting on the left, right and beneath this family is rather asphyxiating. 

"I think you should know... what kind of person my ex husband was," Jangmi says as she keeps caressing Sehun's hair, gently motioning him to get off from Junmyeon's lap, but Sehun is persistent. His arms are tight around his neck.

"Okay, but I can't breathe," Junmyeon says. Jangmi smiles a little sadly.

"Sejin... Can you take Sehun off Junmyeon?" she asks her older son and Sejin stands up, starting to pull Sehun away from his friend. Soon Sehun is on Sejin's lap on the other couch, his head against his brother's and an arm around his shoulders. Sejin is drying his tears as he looks down into his brother's lap.

Junmyeon keeps staring at Sehun. He has never seen anyone be so scared of anything. He wouldn't like to see it again, either.

Jangmi leans on her knees and rests her head on her hand, rubbing her forehead and eyes as she starts her monologue. "He was abusive... to me, he was emotionally abusive, which is why I... just... let it happen. To the boys, he was... emotionally and physically... he... said it was discipline, but... but he... uhm... he..."

She gulps audibly. Junmyeon is waiting intently to hear what kind of end this story has, what's the peak of it. Jangmi is always very emotional when it comes to Sehun and his safety. Tears rush down her eyes.

"...Sehun was 5 years old... when Yongsoo... h-hit him so hard that he fell and hit his head to the corner of our kitchen table... he got a concussion and was out of it for two days... in the hospital... He suffered a trauma to his head... Yongsoo often shook him and hit him... so hard... that he... just... fell to the floor... and cried... and the worst part is that... I-I w-w-was working... s-so I... c-c-couldn't protect him from the most obvious th-threat..."

Jangmi can't talk anymore as she hides her face and starts crying loudly. She's shaking violently, just like Sehun, while Sejin keeps comforting his brother. Junmyeon starts shaking violently as well. From anger.

"The disability doesn't run in the family," Sejin now says as he keeps caressing Sehun's hair and drying his tears. Sehun keeps snotting everywhere. "There's a reason to believe that what he did caused Sehun's disability. At least... that's what the doctors said."

"That man should die in horrible agony," Junmyeon blurts out and Sejin lets out a chuckle, a corner of his mouth raising a little.

"Yeah. He should."

"How could anyone do this? Why would anyone want to do something like that to a child? I mean sure, kids are annoying, but I would never smack a child just because I was irritated. They'll get even more annoying if you do that." Sejin and Jangmi do understand that Junmyeon is trying to be comforting while also saying the exact thoughts in his head. Sejin at least seems refreshed about Junmyeon's point of view. 

"...One time... I came home from school... when I was 13... and Dad and Sehun were the only ones already home. Sehun's school days were shorter than mine... Anyway... I heard crying from Sehun's room so I went to check up on him..." Junmyeon notices that Sejin starts shivering like he was cold. Even his teeth clatter, even though it's warm inside. "He refused to tell me anything. So I forced the blanket off him. And... he was... only in his underwear and a t-shirt... and his legs... were covered... in these... long... red... strokes..."

Junmyeon squeezes his fists tight and clenches his teeth. If only he could strangle their father for ever hurting Sehun like that. When he thought about it now, it made sense why Sehun was so jumpy, afraid of many things and why his interests and mannerisms were so child-like... and why his mother shelters him the way she does. 

Sejin takes a deep breath, collects himself for a moment before continuing.

"When I looked around I... saw his belt... so I took it... walked downstairs... saw him passed out on the couch... and just started hitting him and screaming how horrible person he was... He looked shocked, terrified even, that I, his teenage son, started treating him like he treated us... I was no longer afraid of him. I felt so powerful. I have never, ever, felt so good in my entire life as the time that he looked me in the eye and I saw the fear in them. He  _ feared  _ me."

"...I told him to get the hell out of my house that same night," Jangmi says as she sniffles, now drying her tears. "I sued him and he was in jail for a while. Our marriage was undone and we moved on. And we've been so happy without him."

Junmyeon keeps huffing to himself. How could anyone hurt Sehun like that? It makes him want to get out there and smack the man across his face. He feels his whole body trembling violently as he thinks about what kind of things Yongsoo did to Sehun.

Junmyeon would never hurt him. And he would never let anyone hurt Sehun, either.

"I'm sure you're uncomfortable about all of this. We didn't mean to make you feel that way," Jangmi apologizes.

"I am not uncomfortable, I am furious, which might correlate. I would like to go after your ex husband and smack him for causing pain to Sehun."

"I would like to smack him, too," Jangmi sniffles and utters a laughter. "But it's no use. He's just like a child, too... And I thought I knew him... thought I loved him... thought I could change him... thought that people who are raised by violent parents wouldn't be violent parents themselves. Well... I would like to think Sejin and Sehun don't come up that way. But in Yongsoo's case, he did everything his father did, apart from... you know which part I mean... Yongsoo was good at math and all subjects in school... Shame he wasn't very good at having a family..."

Sejin raises Sehun in his arms bridal style, with Sehun's arms wrapped tight around his neck and head on his shoulder, huffing as he stands on his feet. He wobbles lightly.

"Woah. You've grown... Just two years ago I could lift you so easily and it felt like nothing when you jumped on me."

"You're just getting old," Jangmi smiles lightly as she wipes her nose on the back of her hand. Junmyeon keeps staring at it. That's disgusting. Sejin rolls his eyes.

"I'm not getting old. I just haven't been able to hit the gym so much lately... I've been studying so hard." Sejin takes Sehun upstairs into his room, Junmyeon staring at the younger brother's head just hanging on his shoulder. He stares at the ground as tears just rush down his face, having no end to them.

The big brother closes the door while looking downstairs at Junmyeon. 

_ Then learn how to talk to my brother. _

He has that same look on his face. The same look he gave Junmyeon over two years ago when they first met, when Junmyeon hurt Sehun by calling him dumb. The same look of disappointment, distress and... exhaustion. The look that told everyone that he wasn't going to let anything bad happen to his little brother.

He just closes the door. 

Junmyeon blinks a few times in their direction. He's finding it hard to stay put so he starts massaging his knees and counting his fingers. He knows that he can't just go beat Yongsoo, that would be illegal. And it should be legal, he thinks. Anyone who hurts Sehun should be punished. Like that guy who pretended to be his friend only to make fun of him for his own amusement at a house party. 

"You could stay tonight," Jangmi says, "I have to do a little paperwork tonight... Nothing drastic, but... I can't be there for Sehun... And if we're being honest here, Junmyeon, I'm so tired. I'm just so tired of taking care of him... I want him to be independent, but I don't know how. I don't know what to do..."

"How could he learn to be independent if you're always doing all the decisions for him?" Junmyeon huffs. She just made him mess up his counting. She shakes her head. "You could start by asking him what he wants for dinner and help him cook. Ask him to clean his own room and don't always tell him what to think. It is so annoying. I hate to listen to him tell me how restricted he feels by you and Sejin, the people who think they know everything that's best for him. You're always sheltering him from the real world, just like Mother does. Why do you do that?"

"...Why wouldn't I do that, Junmyeon? You would understand... if you had a child... with the same disability... and it's not just intellectual disability. He has post-traumatic stress disorder, from what his father did to him. You might have seen his anxiety medication in his nightstand drawer," Jangmi explains. She's finally stopped crying as she wipes her face once. "Yongsoo screwed him up and I've tried my best trying to piece him together, but it's too much, Junmyeon. I can't take it. I'm working eight hours a day at the office, five days a week, and in my free time I'm doing a heck lot of paperwork that I didn't finish at work. The rest of my time is consumed by him coming up to me and crying about this and that, telling me to spend time with him and if I tell him I'm busy he keeps insisting, saying that he misses me and he's lonely and then he starts crying and- I can't take it Junmyeon. I can't take it. Sometimes I wish I could just... I mean, I do love him, from the bottom of my heart, but... sometimes I wish I could just leave. Leave it all behind... Start anew in a place far, far away... I don't know why I'm telling you all this..."

"You started a family. You have to take responsibility no matter how messed up things get," Junmyeon shares his wisdom. He just hates it when people complain, to be honest. He just hates it when people don't take responsibility over the consequences of their actions. Jangmi chose to have a family with an abusive man, it was her choice. She can't back away from it now.

She just keeps nodding to Junmyeon's statement while he continues, "If you won't teach him, I will."

"Yes. I'd like that," she smiles and looks up at Junmyeon. "I'd like you to take care of Sehun. Do you want to be independent? Move away from your parents?"

"It's the only thing I've ever wanted."

"Why? Hyunmi must be a nice mother. Way better than me... And Jaehwa... Well, he's not much around, is he?"

"Mother is quite over-protective and annoying at times, I understand she's just trying to fill the mother role but sometimes she, for the lack of better term, sucks at it. And Father irritates me. It's not that his absence or lack of interest in me or my brother's activities bothers me much, it's just that he's so much more intelligent than me and it hurts to accept that. Junseok is the absolute worst, though. He keeps whining and despite us owning a big house, his tantrums echo through the building. No place inside the walls of our house is safe from his fits. So, yes, I would like to live on my own. But I probably won't until I graduate, for financial reasons."

Jangmi smiles gently to him and he blinks a few times slowly.

"It's gonna be years from now," she says.

"Yes, it will be, but it will be worth it. Plus, I would like to earn my degree in the least amount of time as possible," Junmyeon dreams.

"If you study hard, you'll be able to do it," Jangmi encourages but then she stands up, hitting her shins once, making Junmyeon cringe. His misophonia did not like that sound. "Are you going to stay here for the night? To take care of Sehun? You're so good at it. I don't know if you've noticed this, but Sehun is the most himself when he's around you. He's so genuinely happy around you. He never yells at you and somehow he always manages to pick up the best bits of your sentences."

"I have noticed that he always notices how I compliment him and completely ignores the constructive criticism I give him. But maybe he also knows that I'm not lying about anything," Junmyeon huffs. Jangmi looks at him a little defeated. "But I don't know. I've never slept anywhere but my own room. The four of us have never even went on a vacation together because me and Father would just find it too stressful. Mother and Junseok have, though."

"About that... Me and your mother as well as Sejin and Junseok would like to go to Jeju island some weekend during our summer holiday but Sehun doesn't, and I take it that you don't either. Would you be so kind and watch over him then? I could pay you." Junmyeon raises an eyebrow at this. "And while we're at the subject, I'd just like to ask you if you think Sehun would ever be able to live independently."

"I don't think he can. Not because he's incapable of taking care of himself, but because he just couldn't cope with being alone."

"You know him so well."

"You could literally have asked him the same question and he would have given you the same answer as I did. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to take care of your son," Junmyeon says as he stands up and walks upstairs, leaving the mother in the living room in her regrets. Junmyeon doesn't say anything when he just walks into Sehun's room and sits on his desk chair, watching Sejin cuddle with Sehun on his bed. Sehun has pressed his head tight against Sejin's chest and cries into his clothes while grabbing them. Sejin has his arms wrapped around Sehun's body, his body facing Junmyeon.

Junmyeon just stares at them for a while. He has never felt jealous over Sejin or Jangmi cuddling with Sehun, but that Chanyeol guy... If he so much as touches Sehun...

"Did you do this a lot when your father still lived here?" Junmyeon suddenly asks, making Sejin jump a little. He rubs his forehead.

"Yeah. We did."

"You still do it to this day."

"Well, it calms him down. And me. It calms me down to know he's safe here in my arms."

"Your mother asked me if I could stay over tonight. After learning about your past and domestically violent father, I feel a strong need to protect Sehun at this very moment. So I obliged."

Sejin turns his head to look at Junmyeon sitting on the desk chair while fidgeting his sleeves and playing with his sleeves, unable to sit still. His eyes are weirdly open like he was staring into Sejin's soul. Junmyeon often hears that the look in his eyes is sometimes a little too intense, especially if he's focused on something. Right now he's just focused on Sehun.

But Sehun doesn't think it's weird.

"You... are willing to spend the whole night in the same bed with Sehun?" Sejin asks, rubbing his eyes and pinching his arm as if doing a reality check. "Am I dreaming?"

"We are still currently awake."

"Wow... I can't believe it... You're really willing to get out of your comfort zone for him," Sejin says and then he sits up, removes Sehun's hands from his body and stands up right next to the bed. Sehun jolts awake, sobs, looks up at his brother and starts grabbing his clothes as if telling him to come back. Sejin caresses his hair gently and shushes him. "Junmyeon is going to stay with you tonight. I still have things to do and Mom has paperwork to do... So... Just rest up with your boyfriend, okay?"

Junmyeon blushes. He's not Sehun's boyfriend. He wishes he was, but he isn't, because he's a pussy and doesn't dare to ask him. They had their first kiss a few months ago but he still hasn't had the courage to ask him to be more than just best friends.

"We are not in a relationship," Junmyeon says, making Sejin look at him and squint his eyes.

"Sure..." is the only thing he says before turning back to his little brother. "Junmyeon will take care of you. Just like any Friday night." He stands up and Sehun keeps sniffling, turning to face the wall and hide his face. Sejin throws a look in Junmyeon's direction before walking out, expecting Junmyeon to take care of the situation.

Junmyeon doesn't have a filter. He usually says what's on his mind. Right now, though, his mind is kind of blank when he looks at the crying boy. He stands up, moves towards the bed and puts his arm around Sehun's torso timidly. He feels like he should caress some part of Sehun's body in a way that most people would consider 'comforting' even though Junmyeon would not. He's doing the patting because he's awkward and trying to console crying Sehun which is the awkwardest thing Junmyeon would not want to have experience on.

Getting out of his comfort zone is one thing, but realizing that being near Sehun has become a part of his comfort zone is just amazing. Junmyeon keeps staring at the back of Sehun's head and realizes that Sehun  _ is  _ his comfort zone... it's just that  _ crying _ Sehun isn't. 

He doesn't know what to do, so he just keeps holding him close. He feels kind of dirty about that too because he didn't ask permission first. Then he remembers that Sejin and Jangmi never ask Sehun's permission when they hug and kiss him, but then again they've been living together for seventeen years. And Sehun never asks permission when he jumps on Junmyeon. He does it on an impulse. If it was anyone else, Junmyeon might have to kill them.

Slowly Sehun stops crying and his breathing becomes slower and deeper. He's fallen asleep. Junmyeon is laying on his arm and it's starting to tingle and feel numb. He keeps staring at Sehun who is completely asleep.

And he goes to the light switch, turns the lights off and snuggles back near his boyfriend-to-be. The night will be sleepless, but it will be worth it.

***

Sehun and Junmyeon have done all kinds of experimental things with each other, trying out what kinds of things work out for both of them. Cuddling is a thing that works, but only for a short period of time. Talking in phone seems to be working fine, too.

Small pecks on the lips are nice, but lately they have been trying out actually kissing and even making hickeys to each other. Junmyeon most definitely hates to be a subject of hickey-making, but loves to do this to Sehun. Sehun doesn't seem to care which position he's in, he likes it anyway.

Junmyeon is leaning on his hands, his torso laying on Sehun's torso. Sehun is laying on his back and caressing Junmyeon's hair, pulling him closer to place their lips together. Junmyeon kisses him, sucks his lower lip and Sehun slowly eases into it as well, kissing him back and slowly getting into the rhythm. It's sloppy, it's new, experimental... but it doesn't matter to Sehun at all. Junmyeon would like it to be perfect, but is willing to accept that perfection comes with practice. He has made peace with the fact that Sehun isn't perfect in all aspects, even though he's pretty much as near perfection as a person can.

Suddenly the door squeaks open and something is dropped on the floor. Junmyeon turns to the door immediately to see Jangmi holding her hand on her mouth, staring at her son and his best friend with big, shocked eyes. A basket of clean clothes is on the floor.

"Boys... Are you dating?" she asks, still with big shocked eyes. Junmyeon isn't sure if she's happy or angry about it. He doesn't even have time to reply when she runs into Sejin's room, asking about their relationship.

"They've liked each other for a long while now," he explains to the mother who practically screams. She runs back to the boys and smiles widely, grasping the doorframe.

"My baby boy! Are you dating? How long? I can't believe this! You are so cute!" she squeals. The joy on her face is so pure. "I can't believe it! Me and Hyunmi's sons! In love!"

She practically starts running around the house to control her feels. Junmyeon and Sehun just look at each other with confused eyes.

***

Hyunmi, Jangmi, Junseok and Sejin were not giving up on their trip to Jeju island. They went there earlier this afternoon after dropping Sehun at the Kim mansion. Junmyeon made the guest room perfect for Sehun and Sehun even brought Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde with him.

They are sitting in the kitchen at the moment, eating something for snack as Jaehwa walks into the room. He's busy with something, as always, his thoughts focused on his research and new inventive ideas. Everything he ever talks and thinks about is work, it's like he never had time for anything else.

Jaehwa notices the two in the kitchen immediately, but tries to ignore them to the best of his abilities. Junmyeon keeps eyeing his father and his boyfriend-to-be alternatively.

"Hello, Father," he finally says, making his father glance at him.

"Junmyeon."

"This is Sehun."

"Okay."

"He's the boy I was talking about," Junmyeon tells his father who now turns to look at Sehun immediately. He inspects him from head to toe, examining him with his eyes. Sehun sits stills, blinking slowly while looking up at the father with big eyes.

"Hmm?" 

"Yes," Junmyeon replies.

"So he's the stupid boy," Jaehwa says when making his tea. Sehun looks away from the father and down at the table. "I was expecting you to find someone more suitable for your IQ. Surely you like him just because you think he's cute, but Junmyeon, when looking for a partner, you must look for someone who matches your mental features, not someone who's just pleasing to the eye."

Sehun lowers his head and pokes his bread that Junmyeon made for him. Junmyeon keeps staring at his father when clenching his fists.

"Sehun isn't just aesthetically pleasing, he's very kind and thoughtful. Besides, I might have twice the IQ he does, but it doesn't mean that we aren't compatible. He calms me down and we have lots of similar interests," Junmyeon says everything truthfully despite fuming with anger. Sehun and him do have a lot of common interests - mainly because Junmyeon showed them to Sehun and Sehun just kind of started liking them or already liked. Some things Junmyeon has grown into liking because Sehun likes them, like kids' movies. Nowadays he loves watching kids' movies simply because they are oftentimes even better than films. Kids' movies aren't supposed to make sense but somehow they make sense, whereas some films make no sense even when they're trying to portray everything realistically.

"It's never gonna work. Opposites don't match. You're smart, he's dumb, it's doomed," the father says before walking away, leaving a very upset Sehun and very angry Junmyeon into the kitchen. Junmyeon almost breaks his cup.

"What an idiot. I hate my father." Sehun keeps quiet. He plays with his cup of juice, swinging it around and almost spilling it everywhere. Suddenly he's not hungry anymore.

They sit in silence for a while, Junmyeon sometimes saying something and Sehun replying shortly, not saying actual words, avoiding Junmyeon's eyes. Soon they're both just swinging their cups from side to side, trying to figure out what to do next, what to say next. No words come out, no noise infiltrates their little bubble. Junmyeon keeps staring at him, his pretty face, trying to conjure up some topic that would make Sehun less gloomy. His father really is a prick for saying that straight to Sehun's face. Junmyeon is going to give him a piece of his mind later.

Junmyeon suggests they leave the kitchen, and instead of heading upstairs to his room, they go outside together. He has just the plan to cheer him up.

They go to Seoul Forest for a walk. The trees rustle as wind breezes through them as they walk hand in hand, occasionally some people passing them by and looking at them from head to toe before looking away. Junmyeon doesn't mind the looks people give them, but Sehun is still silent and doesn't seem to want to make conversation. Junmyeon gives up on it altogether, but he has a plan for taking things one step further.

As they reach the pond, they just sit before it. It's summer and the weather is lovely, warm, only a gentle breeze clinging onto their hair. Junmyeon looks at the pond and thinks about what kind of bacteria is in there and on the ground that he's sitting on, but isn't bothered enough to stand up. He just sits there, not touching the dirt with his hands, unlike Sehun who's leaning on his arms and staring at the cloudless sky.

"Maybe he's right," Sehun says suddenly. "Maybe we are not meant be. You're so smart. I'm so dumb. I'm an idiot..."

"No. You're not."

"I know what I am, Junmyeon. Don't try to spare my feelings like Mommy and Sejin..." he says when hanging his head low now. "Be honest with me. I am just like Daddy said... An idiot."

"You're not an idiot."

"But I am!" Sehun screams suddenly and hides his face. Junmyeon is disgusted by the dirt in his hands that's now on his face. That was not worth it. "You've said it."

"No. You have low intelligence. But in recent years I have learned that intelligence is subjective, just like everything in this world... And from my subjective viewpoint, you are wise life experience-wise. You know a lot of things subconsciously without being able to put them into words, but we can't say that subconscious wisdom is not intelligence. And even if learning is difficult for you, you're slow at reading, you can't do math... what does it matter? So what if you can't do those things? After all, I've finally realized that life isn't about all these achievements... Life is nothing but trying to enjoy it," Junmyeon explains his life philosophy and somewhere along his monologue, Sehun has raised his head and started staring at the pond. His face and eyes are a little red.

They're silent for a while. Junmyeon keeps adoring his face and letting all that sink into his brain, although he most definitely already forgot over half of it.

"You've taught me more than any single person ever has. And speaking of single, I wouldn't like to be when there is someone like you in my life," the older one drops boldly.

"You don't want to be single?" Sehun asks, scratching his head. His face looks like he's in pain again. Junmyeon just keeps staring at him. "But... do... you... have someone you'd like to... date... with...?" Junmyeon just keeps staring at Sehun with a gentle smile on his lips. He didn't even realize that he started smiling, but he'll know it later when his face starts cramping from smiling so much. He rarely does.

Sehun raises his head to look at Junmyeon in the eyes while still scratching his head. Then his eyes light up and his mouth gapes open.

"M... M-me?"

"Of course, you."

Sehun jumps on him and hugs him so tight he can't breathe. He doesn't even ask the younger one to move away, he's way too cute.

"Yes! Yes yes yes yes!" Sehun beams and hugs Junmyeon even tighter if possible, but Junmyeon is starting to get a little uncomfortable about this.

"Let's go home."

"Junmyeon... Can we one day have a home of our own? Just the two of us?"

"I think... you're fastforwarding a little too far into the future..."

***

Junmyeon is accepted into the university he applied for, which also happened to be the only university he applied for, and has started his studies in neurology successfully. He loves being in university mostly because of how independent he can be, nothing is restricting him. He doesn't even have to worry about the economy, because he still lives in his parents' house and is provided for by his parents.

Sehun and Junmyeon are laying in Junmyeon's bed, the older one reading one of his study books for the next exam while leaning against the headboard while Sehun is leaning against his chest, napping or daydreaming about something, listening to the calm beating of Junmyeon's heart. They've been dating for six months now, Sehun is on the verge of coming of age. They have discussed moving in together once Sehun finds a place to study after high school, but it's still too far in the future for Jangmi to give her blessing.

Everybody in their families love the fact that they are together. Junmyeon is considerably less annoying and Sehun is considerably less needy for his brother and mother's attention. Generally they're less of a pain in the ass for the rest of them who can finally have a breather. 

After learning about university and thinking of his own career path, Sehun has come into a conclusion.

"I wanna go to art school."

"Then you should apply to one once you graduate," Junmyeon says nonchalantly. "You should specialize in digital art."

"Junmyeon..."

"Hmm."

"I..." Sehun starts as he starts caressing Junmyeon's chest, tickling him slightly. "Have started drawing comics... Would you like to see...?"

"Oh? What kind?"

Sehun takes his phone that's laying right next to his boyfriend and opens it, going into his gallery where he has taken pictures of his small comic strips. Junmyeon puts his book down and takes the phone in his hand, inspecting the images closely. The comic strips are short and cute with characters that look more like sketches. There are two genderless-looking creatures that look just like the two of them. Some of them are cute, some of them are funny, some are outright stupid, and some are really, really sad. Like the one that is an allegory for the fact that Sehun's father abused him.

"I support this," Junmyeon says. "They're us, aren't they?"

"What? Now that you said that, they are similar..." Sehun says while scratching his head. "But his name is Joe, and his name is Sam."

"Yeah, they're us," Junmyeon states as he keeps reading the strips and suddenly he laughs. Sehun immediately looks up at him.

"What did you laughed at?"

"This one..." Junmyeon says as he shows Sehun a drawing he made of Junmyeon. There he is a cartoonish character with math-inspired superhero outfit. Then he just smiles down at him while holding him close to his chest. Sehun smiles widely back. "You should make a comic about this person. I mean, you don't have to, just a friendly suggestion."

"Maybe." Then Junmyeon just gives Sehun his phone back before taking his book and going back to his reading. Sehun smiles widely before putting his phone away, snuggling back against Junmyeon's chest and letting him study for his exams.

The best thing about starting to date Junmyeon is definitely the fact that instead of just Friday, every day is now Cuddle Day.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter. I loved writing this story. Somehow this story has gotten a lot of positive feedback on this platform, and for that I am very thankful for.  
> May Seho live in your hearts and minds. May Seho be your OTP. May you look forward to the upcoming Seho fanfics I've been cooking up.


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